© Carole Kanchier, PhD ; carole@questersdaretochange.com

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves.” Harry S. Truman

At the root of any successful person, is self control. Whether it’s success in their personal, professional or other life activities, it starts with an intention to be self disciplined. Thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and habits, must all be kept in check!

My ongoing research with workers representing varied fields demonstrates successful people have learned how to use self control to attain desired goals. So can you!

Award winning, Questers Dare to Change https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963 and my blogs offer several examples: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/blog

 Do you have self control?

Answer yes or no.

1. I’m pretty good at resisting temptations to go out for lunch when I need to complete a project before leaving work.
2.  I have a hard time breaking bad habits such as chewing gum when I meet with clients.
3. I often say things at work without thinking.
4. I behave inappropriately at employer social gathering, at times.
5. If something at work is fun, I’ll probably do it, even if I know my supervisor may not approve.
6. I refuse to eat junk foods at coffee breaks
7. 7. I’m good at working toward long-term work goals.
8. I sometimes I call in sick even if I’m
9. Occasionally, I can’t stop myself from taking home office supplies even if I know it’s wrong.
10. Co-workers say I have amazing self control.
11. Computer games sometimes keep me from getting work done.
12. At times, I do more than my share of the work so tend to get burned out.

Scoring and Interpretation: 1 point for each ‘yes’ to statements 1, 6, 7, and 10; and each ‘ no’ to statements 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 11, and 12. Add your scores. The higher your score the more self control you seem to have. To strengthen self discipline, try suggestions below.

Until recently, research on self-control focused almost exclusively on the benefits of having a lot of it. People who keep themselves in line also tend to be more successful in school and work; and also have better physical and mental health.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to be quite so perfect all the time and some new studies are now investigating the negative side of having too much self-control including the tendency of supervisors to have high expectations on workers with good self control, and people dumping too much work on colleagues with higher self control.

How can one person be so conscious of what they do daily while others simply throw caution to the wind? The answer to this question lies in our habits. Since about forty percent of our behavior is habit-driven, you must break bad habits.

We spend years etching neural pathways in our brains. These pathways take on specific functions such as cycling, smoking, or preparing coffee lattes. Neural pathways automate repeated behaviors in an effort to reduce the conscious-processing power in the mind. This allows the mind to focus on newer things rather than the mundane.

Developing self control

– Think positively. Think and talk about what you want. View setbacks as learning opportunities.  When you hear your inner voice criticize, think of something positive to say such as “I’m learning.” Listen to inspirational tapes; read motivational books. Begin each day with positive thoughts. Associate with optimistic, supportive people.

– Strengthen confidence. Know and accept yourself. List of positive achievements and personality characteristics. Post this where you can read it daily. Don’t change to please others. Don’t compare yourself to or compete with others. Affirm yourself. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

– Reward yourself.  Each morning think of something positive to do for yourself. Every time you pull through a challenging or negative experience, give yourself a treat.

– Enjoy success. Measure yourself by what you have done, what you are doing, and what you can do. Keep a daily, weekly, or monthly record of your accomplishments and build on these. Each day do something a little better than yesterday. The exhilaration of achievement will make you feel good.

– Build desired self control habits. Start small. Repeat desired habits daily. Instead of promising a 45-minute work out every day, commit to a 5-minute walk around the block.

– Set short and long-term goals. Write these down. Ensure they’re specific and measurable. Develop a plan indicating how you will attain these. Track your progress towards goal attainment. It’s harder to get distracted when you can see the results.  Every morning, create daily goals, and identify the most important task that need to be done during the day. Then act!

Ensure your goal is consistent with your purpose. Intend to achieve these.  “I intend to lose 10 pounds by April 15,  2020.” I’m enrolling in a computer programming class offered by Institution X, April 22, 2020. Visualize your goals. See yourself completing the computer programming course with competence and confidence.

– Make choices in advance. If your goal is to pay attention at meetings, choose to leave your phone at your desk. You can’t play with it if it’s not there. If you want to get on top of your emails, decide how many emails you’ll respond to before doing something else. Just decide before the situation presents itself and you’ll find it a lot easier to remain steadfast.

–  Make lists. Start your day with a list of daily tasks you need to accomplish. Everything from emails to grocery shopping can go on the list.

– Use technology. Some technology tools can help build self-discipline. Additionally, you can set timers that limit the amount of time you spend playing a game, or on your favorite time-wasting website. Fitbit, for example, motivates people to reach health and fitness goals by tracking their work activities, exercise, sleep, weight and more.

– Plan and practice. When you make decisions in advance, you reduce temptations.  If you want to stay sober and professional at the office holiday party, decide in advance that you will limit alcohol intake.

Identify ways to make things that are bad for you less available. For instance, if snacking on salty carbs is a disaster for your diet, don’t buy the potato chips.

If you know you may have a challenging time talking with your boss about a particular topic, plan what to say in advance. Then, schedule the discussion for the time of day when you both have the most stamina and self discipline.

You will not attain self control overnight, but, if you focus on the forgoing, and keep mind, body and spirit in top working order, you’re on your way to success.

Developing self control gives you gain a sense of purpose, inner peace, confidence, and greater control over personal and professional life.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Carole Kanchier, offers additional ways to strengthen self control.

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, speaker, and author of Questers Dare to Change. Carole Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz and University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

.

– Keep opinions to self. Don’t share personal problems.

– Clarify facts. Relay facts, not opinions.

– Give gossip a positive spin by restructuring negative story.

Award-winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, provides additional tips for advancing life career: https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Check audio book: https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Contact: carole@questersdaretochange.com

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

“My superiors are not attending to safety details . . .” As a professional, how would you handle this issue? What does professionalism mean to you?

 The American Heritage Dictionary and the Oxford Dictionary define a professional as a person having a high degree of knowledge, skill, judgement and continuing practice in a particular activity. Mirriam Webster College Dictionary indicates professionals exhibit courtesy, conscientiousness and businesslike work manners.

Typically, professionals provide a service in exchange for payment or salary in accordance with established protocols for licensing, ethics, procedures, standards of service and training. Professionals generally belong to a professional society that exists to further their profession or trade as well as to protect the interests of the public and their members.

 Test your professionalism

Respond professional or unprofessional.

1. I usually ignore irritating behavior when interacting with someone.
2. I’m content with my performance.
3. I always tell the truth.
4. When a deadline looms, I try to improve the product.
5. I often download files from the Internet or newspapers for use in my work.
6. I usually compare myself to others.
7. Appropriate job skills are more important than good work habits.
8. I often engage superiors in conversations regarding how some matters should be handled.
9. If I know a lot about a topic, I listen to others then explain my viewpoint.
10. I would report unethical or unsafe practices to the CEO.
11. It’s OK to be late for meetings occasionally.
12. I won’t work with a co-worker until we settle disagreements.

Answers

1. Professional. Don’t take the behavior personally. Ignore irritating but unharmful behavior to avoid unpleasant consequences. Walk away or quietly smile.
2. Unprofessional. Professionals strive for excellence. They don’t fear trying new and better ways of performing tasks or maximizing services. They take pride in all their work, not just jobs for which they’ll receive high remuneration.
3. Professional and Unprofessional. This may depend upon the circumstances. It may be appropriate to stretch the truth if it will hurt someone. However, it’s not professional to conceal the truth to destroy a relationship or someone’s reputation
4. Unprofessional. Be optimal but practical. Know that projects must be completed on time. Perfectionism becomes impractical when it takes excessive time and additional resources.  A perfect product is of no value if it’s not shipped to the consumer on time.
5. Unprofessional. It’s unethical and illegal to use creative materials without first obtaining permission from the creator. The content of most newspaper articles are protected by copyright. Contact  the authors for permission to reprint or post their work. Federal laws protect the intellectual property of creators. Those not in compliance may be penalized.
6. Unprofessional. Don’t compare yourself to others. Avoid statements such as, “I can do ______ better than anybody else.” Instead, say something positive about a competitor’s w
7. Unprofessional. Studies suggest that about 85 percent of dismissed employees lose jobs because they lack appropriate work habits. Behaviors which most often lead to job loss are tardiness, absenteeism, inability to follow instructions, quality of work, consistency of performance, lack of cooperation and personal appearance.
8. Unprofessional. Be respectful of power, roles, privileges and responsibilities of different hierarchical levels. It’s acceptable for a senior manager to be informal with employees, occasionally asking about their interests and listening to concerns. But it’s not appropriate for subordinates to give unsolicited advice to superiors.
9. Professional. A highly trained team member acts professionally when he listens to colleague’s ideas and explains his view. However, a person who is knowledgeable about the topic and frequently monopolizes the discussion, is acting unprofessionally.
10. Unprofessional. Be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. If you observe someone engaging in unethical behavior, speak privately with the individual and give him time to correct his behaviors before taking details to the supervisor.
11. Professional. North Americans are conscious of time. Meetings are expected to begin and end on time. Set realistic deadlines, and be conscious of others’ time constraints. If you arrange to meet a colleague at 9 AM, plan for traffic delays and call when you know you’ll be more than five minutes late.
12. Unprofessional. Separate the controversy from the person. Openly discuss differences. If these can’t be resolved, agree to disagree. Keep your opinion, and let the other person keep his. Focus on the common goal.

Professionalism is for everyone. Professionalism is the underlying foundation supporting all productive organizations. Professionalism increases productivity and quality, reinforces trust, improves teamwork and inspires excellence.

If you’re a leader, model professionalism, and nurture an environment where individuals take pride in themselves and their work. If you’re an employee, adopt a professional approach. You’ll strengthen confidence and competence. Everybody will want you on their teams.

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, other institutions of higher learning, and conducts seminars for professional, and business organizations. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

Check Dr. Kanchier’s award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, which redefines careers and work and shows how to manage lifelong career decisions. https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Contact: carole@daretochange.com; carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com

Do you feel restless? Are you wondering what to do with your life?

My research on occupational change, described in award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, suggests growing adults experience cycles of discontent every five to ten years with the average cycle occurring every 7.5 years. https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Although we all have our own rhythms of change, we generally proceed through alternating developmental and transition periods. Transitions are times we question who we are and where we want to go. During developmental periods we make commitments to and work toward desired goals.

Simultaneously, we experience the career cycle of entry, mastery, and disengagement. During entry, we enthusiastically learn new tasks. In mastery, we’re confident and productive. If our work is no longer challenging, we lose enthusiasm, productivity, and confidence. This disengagement stage of the occupational cycle tends to parallel life cycle transitions.

Individuals, who feel they’re no longer deriving desired rewards, may change jobs or pursue other options. Al, 40, was bored with his systems analyst job. Few job perks, parenthood, and the death of his mother, precipitated reevaluation of goals. Al decided to pursue his passion, farming.

Some adults stay with the same job, but create new challenges. Eva, a retail manager, always finds new ways of improving productivity.

Traumatic experiences such as illness tend to precipitate reevaluation. When Mark, a fast track executive, was 30, a series of jolts including political hassles and serious illness forced him to reassess goals. He decided to establish his retail business.

With an average life expectancy of 85 and growing, it’s possible to change positions or create new challenges at 40, 70, or older, and still have years of happiness. Recently widowed, Beatrice created her bookkeeping business at 89.

Are you experiencing a transition?
Answer yes or no: 1) don’t have a sense of purpose; 2) I’m often bored; 3) I’m not productive; 4) I often think of quitting my job; 5) I have few growth opportunities at work; 6) I can’t attain desired goals with current employer; 7) I’m not in good physical shape; 8) I don’t have a healthy lifestyle; 9) I have a birthday within two or three years of 0.

Six or more yes responses suggest you may in a disengagement stage of your career cycle. You may also be experiencing a life cycle transition.

Take charge 
Take advantage of growth opportunities your transition provides. Reassess goals and make needed modifications.

Career and Life Stages
The Beginning Career
Late adolescence, ages 18 to 24 or older, is a critical period. Adolescents try on different roles to assess appropriate fits. Decisions they make about career and life goals affects their life careers.

During the Age-20 Developmental Period, a person’s first full-time job is undertaken. Needs for expansion, career mastery and self-motivation prevail. Little self-evaluation occurs. Lifelong patterns may be established.

The Developing Career
The Age-30 Transition, approximately ages 28–33, marks the beginning of the developing career. Values, priorities, and goals shift; a more balanced life is valued. Short- and long-range goals are pursued. Productivity, fulfillment, excitement and creativity are enjoyed. Job and other life changes may occur.

The Maturing Career
Age-40 Transition, ages 37–45, marks the beginning of the Age-40 Developmental Period. Need for job satisfaction heightens. Creative leadership peaks, and interest in guiding the young blossoms.

The Strengthening Career     
The Age-50 Transition, ages 48–53, marks the beginning of Strengthening Career. During the Age–50 Developmental Period needs for job satisfaction and a balanced life deepen. Innovative leadership and mentoring activities continue.

The Continuing Career
The Age-60 Transition, ages 58-63, leads to the Continuing Career. Many Questers in this stage tend to flourish. Many individuals explore and evaluate varied career options, including retirement and travel.

The Flourishing Career
Age-70 Transition, ages 68–73, marks the beginning of the Age-70 Developmental Period. Decisions to continue paid employment, volunteer, or pursue education or a more leisurely lifestyle, are contemplated and made.

The Enriching Career
Age-80 Transition precedes the Age-80 Developmental Period. Inspiring stories of Questers show how they continue to grow. Career advancement includes making varied contributions to humankind including social service and educational activities.

The Enduring Career
Many outstanding people did not reach their prime until 90. Dr. Helen Flanders Dunbar, psychoanalyst, and pioneer in psychosomatic medicine at Columbia University, called people in their 90’s “nimble nonagenarians.” Questers in their 90s are adaptive, authentic, and whole. Their wealth of experience, knowledge and practical skills can teach younger generations a great deal about life if they take the time to watch, listen, ask, and respect.”

The Actualizing Career
During The Age-100 Transition and the Age-100 Developmental Period, Quester Centenarians continue to be in control of their life careers. They’re involved, productive, creative, authentic, healthy and wise. Dr. Euphgraim P. Engleman, University of California San Francisco’s longest tenured professor, was going strong at 103.

As more adults live beyond 110, new attitudes toward continuing career growth and retirement are developing.

Would you like to make any changes in your attitudes and lifestyle to increase the chances you will live a long, healthy, productive life? Is there something you have always felt drawn to but have not yet pursued? Remember, contemporary career development is a continuing quest to improve the fit between your evolving personality and developing career. Only you can establish your own rhythm of change. It is never too late!
Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life provides information and guidelines that show how to realize your desired life career: https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Audible Questers; https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Author: Carole Kanchier, PhD; carole@daretochange.com

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

 We are living in turbulent times. Varied social, technological and economic changes are related to numerous societal issues including climate change, unemployment and underemployment, global poverty and hunger, environmental deterioration, terrorism and national and international security.

New technologies (flying cars, on demand services, computer controlled robots) are expected to have a huge impact on society. Many blame technology for loss of current and anticipated future jobs. Instead of using technology to replace people we can use technology to augment current jobs and create new work and lifestyle opportunities!

We can also help humans understand their place in the universal scheme of things. Many want to make sense of their lives, live with purpose and meaning.

Humans need hope that our world may be progressing towards a peaceful, prosperous future.

Recent discoveries and new technologies have provided an unprecedented opportunity to take the best of our existing historical narratives, scientific explanations and spiritual principles and weave these together to craft a more enlightening understanding of human existence.

A consideration of the Universal Laws which have been in existence for centuries may help us move forward mentally, physically, spiritually and peacefully.

Universal Principles

Universal Laws work together for “good.” When we put these universal laws into practice, we experience a shift in conscious understanding of who we are and our relationship with all that lives in the universe.

There are many universal laws. Some claim there are seven or principles by which everything in the universe is governed. The universe exists in perfect harmony by virtue of these laws. Ancient mystical, esoteric and secret teachings dating back over 5,000 years from Ancient Egypt to Ancient Greece and to the Vedic tradition of Ancient India, all have as their common thread these seven Spiritual Laws of the Universe. Once we understand, apply and align ourselves with these laws, we will experience transformations in every area of our lives.

As stated in the Kybalion “the Universe exists by virtue of these Laws, which form its framework and which hold it together.” Knowing these universal laws and learning how to transcend them, is fundamental to changing the circumstances of our lives so that we can consciously create our intended reality and achieve true mastery.

Great Principles Shared By Many Spiritual Disciplines

Core principles or values that run uniformly through the world’s major spiritual teachings for centuries are outlined below in a format that can be easily read, understood, shared and used as guidelines.

The Golden Rule / Law of Reciprocity – The cornerstone of religious understanding. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” – Christianity

Honor Thy Father and Mother – Knowing them is the key to knowing ourselves. The day will come when we shall wish we had known them better.

Speak the Truth – “Sincerity is the way of heaven, and to think how to be sincere is the way of a man.” – Confucius

It’s More Blessed to Give than to Receive – Generosity, charity and kindness will open an individual to an unbounded reservoir of riches.

Heaven is Within – “Even as the scent dwells within the flower, so God within thine own heart forever abides.” – Sikhism

Love Thy Neighbor / Conquer With Love / All You Need is Love – Acts of faith, prayer and deep meditation provide us with the strength that allows love for our fellow man to become an abiding part of our lives. Love is a unifying force.

Blessed Are the Peacemakers – When people live in the awareness that there is a close kinship between all individuals and nations, peace is the natural result.

You Reap What You Sow – This is the great mystery of human life. Aware or unaware, all are ruled by this      inevitable law of nature.  This is also expressed aws Cause and Effect: There is a cause for every effect, and an effect for every cause. There is no such thing as chance.  Every action has a consequence.

People Do Not Live by Bread Alone – The blessings of life are deeper than what can be appreciated by the senses.

Do No Harm – If someone tries to hurt another, it means that she is perceiving that person as something separate and foreign from herself.

Forgiveness – The most beautiful thing a man can do is to forgive wrong. – Judaism

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged – This principle is an expression of the underlying truth that mankind is one great family, and that we all spring from a common source.

Be Slow to Anger – Anger clouds the mind in the very moments that clarity and objectivity are needed most. “He who holds back rising anger like a rolling chariot, him I call a real driver; others only hold the reins.” – Buddha

There is But One God.  God is Love, The Absolute. Whatever name people choose, there is but one God. All people and all things are of one essence.

Follow the Spirit of the Scriptures, Not the Words – “Study the words, no doubt, but look behind them to the thought they indicate; And having found it, throw the words away, as chaff when you have sifted out the grain.” – Hinduism.        

Gender. Everything and everyone has two genders: masculine and feminine. The masculine gender gives, expresses, is self reliant, logical. The feminine gender expresses patience, gentleness, ideas and imagination.  On the other hand, it may constantly reflect, fail to act, resulting in stagnation. With both the masculine and feminine working in harmony, there is thoughtful action that breeds success; both the feminine and the masculine fulfill each other.

Most people who made positive differences to the world tend to abide by these principles, including Questers. Questers are described in award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

How can you integrate these principles into your work and lifestyle to move forward peacefully and productively in 2020?

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

Contact: carole@daretochange.com; carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com

The new year is here, and many are re-examining goals, and planning for success in 2020.

If you’re considering a career change, award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life is for you! https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Questers redefines career advancement, and shows how to manage lifelong career decisions.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life

Based on ongoing research, Questers shows how to navigate life careers in uncertain times!

Case studies of purposeful, growth oriented Questers, quizzes and guidelines show readers how to manage lifelong personal, career and spiritual growth.

Discover your Quester traits: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/services-2/quester-quiz/

Check audible version: https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Please review sample book chapters: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/book/excerpts, and

Carole’s blogs: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/blog

I would be delighted to send a pdf version for review, and be available for a consultation or interview. Sample interview questions are below.

Many thanks for considering this invitation to share ways by which readers can empower themselves to manage their own life careers as well as those of others.

Kind regards,

Carole Kanchier, PhD

carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

Forgiveness is a gift that costs nothing, means everything and is also a key to good health.

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It’s a time to rediscover our strengths and our capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

If we can forgive those who have hurt us, we will rise to higher levels well-being. Recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater physical and mental well-being.

A study at University of California, San Diego, found that participants who thought about a hurtful event, experienced lingering blood pressure spikes that—if repeated over time—could lead to heart attacks or strokes.

Psychologists define forgiveness

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed one, regardless of whether they actually deserve one’s forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate one to reconcile with the person who harmed the individual, or release that person from legal accountability. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from destructive anger.

Fostering forgiveness at work

Unresolved stress from interpersonal conflict often dampens our cognitive and compassionate capacities, making it hard to find a way to forgive. Experts who study forgiveness in the work place offer suggestions to foster forgiveness:

– Model forgiveness, particularly if you’re a leader. Leaders’ behavior often has the greatest impact on organizational culture. Leaders who model forgiveness on a regular basis are cueing similar behavior in others.

– Express gratitude. Frequent and sincere expressions of appreciation have been found to produce dramatic effects on individuals and organizations. Gratitude can be expressed by encouraging employees to keep a gratitude journal to track three things they’re grateful for each night, writing a thank you card, or emailing someone each day to express appreciation for his or her contributions. Gratitude requires neither big budgets nor heavy time commitments.

For example, several years ago the CEO of LG in Japan set himself the challenge of writing five gratitude cards expressing his appreciation and thanks to five different people in his organization for the contributions they made, each day. More than six years later not only has he maintained this commitment but he credits it with having changed his whole organization because it made him look for things he wouldn’t normally see and to help people flourish who would have been previously ignored

– Take responsibility for mistakes. Apologize and attempt to make restitutions. If we don’t take responsibility for our mistakes, distrust grows and the fear of something happening again can be worse than the original incident.

– Rebuild trust by working on a common task. This creates new experiences and memories of cooperation.

– Don’t tell others what to do.  Listen, rather than expound. Develop tolerance for contrary opinions. When someone offers us their viewpoint, we should try to respond with: “I’ve never considered that before—thank you. I’ll give it some thought.”

– Let go of resentments. Resentments thrive because we are unwilling to end that altercation with an offer of kindness and forgiveness.

  Depersonalize perceived negative comments, and respond with kiondness. Send the higher, faster energies of peace, joy and forgiveness as responses to whatever comes our way.

– Live in the present. Enjoy good things about the present moment, rather than being consumed with anger over the past or worry about the future.

– Don’t judge. Try to understand where the person may be coming from. Rephrase critical internal thoughts into  positive ones, or at least a neutral ones. After all, we really don’t know the reasons for someone’s behavior.

– Participate in staff development programs to address conflict and foster forgiveness. Invest in programs that  develop understanding and teach evidence-based tools for ongoing workplace forgiveness.

Award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Dr. Carole Kanchier, provides additional information on fostering forgiveness and enhancing other aspects of our work and home environments. https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Check audible book: https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

LET IT GO for a happy holiday season and productive 2020!

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

 Carole Kanchier, PhD

carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com

– Identify needs, skills and other personal qualities you want met in your job.

– Redesign job to match personal qualities.

– Show organizational decision makers you have required skills to match desired job; Volunteer for projects.

If you’re considering a change, check award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life. Questers redefines career success and shows how to manage lifelong career decisions.  https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Carole Kanchier

carole@questersdaretochange.com

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” ― John F. Kennedy

Having a sense of purpose and striving towards goals that enable you to express your purpose gives life meaning, direction and satisfaction. It not only contributes to health and longevity, but also enables you to succeed in uncertain times. If you’re in harmony with your purpose, you’re also in sync with the energy of the universe.

 Do you know your purpose?

Answer yes or no:

1. Facing my daily tasks is very satisfying.
2. I have clear career and life goals.
3. My life has been worthless.
4. I enjoy my close friends.
5. I wouldn’t change my life drastically if I had six months to live.
6. I have seriously thought of suicide.
7. I see a reason to be here.
8. My job and other activities give my life meaning.
9. I have little meaning in my life.
10. I spend my life doing what I “should” rather than what I want.
11. My job reflects my purpose.
12. I can state my purpose in a sentence.

Scoring: One for each “no” to statements 3, 6, 9 and 10; and one for each “yes” to others. The higher you score, the more involved you are in activities that give you a sense of meaning, direction and happiness. You’re honest with yourself, enjoy life, and are probably achieving desired goals. Your various work, leisure and other activities reflect a unity of purpose.

A score of 6 or lower suggests you lack a clear sense of purpose. Your life may have little meaning and you appear to lack clear life or career goals. You may be bored, anxious, and aimless. To develop more meaning in your life, try the following.

 Clarifying Purpose

Identifying your purpose will take time particularly if you’re not used to looking inward.

– Identify what’s important to you. Clarify what success means to you. Don’t try to live up to others’ expectations and definitions of success.

– Consider how you’d change your life if you knew you had six months to live. If you would change jobs, return to school, complete a project, travel, then get on with it! What’s stopping you? Be honest.

– State what you’d do if you had billions. If you’re working at something that has no meaning just to pay bills, you’re making money more important than your sense of purpose. How could you make money doing what you really enjoy? Ross, a former accountant, earns lot of money making and selling his pottery.

–  Identify personality traits you would choose if you could begin life today. Would you be more assertive, caring or other?

– Describe yourself without using labels. Specify human qualities, for example: “I am smart, creative, and a loving partner.” If you resort to labels such as job history or marital status, you may view yourself as a statistic rather than a special human being.

– Adopt a cause. Discover ways in which you can get involved in community or other projects in which you believe — that enable you to express your purpose. Volunteer to help in a senior citizens’ home, volunteer to be big sister or bother, join a community fire fighting or group that fights for a cause in which you believe.

–  Identify major themes or patterns: 1) Proud accomplishments in any life area (social, work, school, civic); 2) What you want colleagues to say about you; 3) Absorbing childhood activities; 4) Recurring dream; 5) What you’d do if you couldn’t fail; 6) A prize you’d select (literary, athletic) for being the world’s best; 7) What you’d wear to a costume party; 8) People you admire and why; 9) Skills you want to use in your ideal job.

Write a “working” mission statement describing your purpose based on recurring themes. Discuss your themes with a partner. Brainstorm how your purpose can be expressed in various life components. For example, if your purpose is to help others, you could express it at work by being a helpful sales clerk. In family activities, you may express your purpose by being a loving aunt. Don’t allow age, lack of education, or physical disability stop you from expressing your purpose.

David’s purpose is communications. He’s been a successful magazine editor, author, broadcaster, photographer and evangelist. Charlene’s purpose is caring for animals. She’s made this into her business — caring for pets during their families’ vacations and waking dogs.

 Eleanor loves woodworking and cabinet making so she developed a business that enables her to offer these services to her community. Roy‘s purpose is helping people. He says, “Volunteers are unpaid not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless.” Roy volunteers for varied projects that help needy children.

Purpose is a common denominator for success. Knowing your purpose will give you courage to do what you’ve always longed to do. It will be easier to risk, to manage fear. You’ll be able to change your life for the better.

But before pursuing a job that will enable you to express your purpose, research options. Then clarify a job goal that will enable you to express your purpose, and develop a plan to attain your goal. Be flexible as your goals may change as you get to know yourself and options better.

“Singleness of purpose is one of the chief essentials for success in life, no matter what may be one’s aim.” ―John D. Rockefeller

TAG: Dr. Carole Kanchier pioneered the concept of purpose in her work on lifelong career, personal, and spiritual growth. A registered psychologist, coach, educator and syndicated print/digital columnist, Carole is author of the award-winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Your Life: http://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963    

Carole Kanchier offers workshops, keynotes and individual coaching to help individuals and organizations clarify and express their purpose: carole@questersdaretochange.com