© Carole Kanchier, PhD

Check #Nonverbal #Communication

Are you aware of the nonverbal signals you send? Do you know how to interpret the body language of colleagues and clients?

We both send and receive conscious and subconscious nonverbal messages.  Experts say that 70 to 90 percent of communication is nonverbal.

Gain a competitive edge in the business world. Attend to nonverbal and verbal messages. What you say as well as how you say it give you advantages during interviews, presentations, company meetings and client negotiations.

Check body language knowledge

Answer “yes” or “no.”

1. Eye contact is disrespectful in some cultures. 

2. Listeners who look away from speakers demonstrate confusion or disbelief.

3.  Eagerness is exhibited with simultaneous displays of smiling and head nodding.  

4.  Confidence is exhibited by hands in pockets.

5.  Well-dressed professionals project success, credibility.

6. Placing both hands behind the head reveals self-doubt.

7. Speakers who make eye contact with listeners increase credibility. 

8. It’s best to interpret nonverbal communication along with simultaneous verbal communication. 

9. When conducting business, it’s best to stand or sitat the client’s level. 

10. Defensiveness is indicated by arms crossed high on chest and crossed legs.

Scoring: One point for each “yes” to statements 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, and 10; and “no” to statements 4 and 6. A high score suggests you understand nonverbal communication. A low score suggests you could enhance body language knowledge. Consider the following:

Understand and use nonverbal communication

– Eye contact and facial expressions.  Establish eye contact to demonstrate open communication flow, and convey honesty, interest, warmth and credibility. Smile frequently to encourage approachability. Smiling transmits happiness, friendliness. 

– Body orientation and movements. To show you’re approachable, lean slightly forward to face the person with whom you’re communicating.  

Be aware of positive and negative messages sent by other cues.Boredom is indicted by looking away from speaker, sloppy posture or preoccupation with something else.

Attentive listening is demonstrated by cupping chin between thumbs and fingers or putting hands to bridge of nose. Expanded chests communicate confidence in men and openness in women, while shrunken chests convey self-consciousness.

Dishonesty is demonstrated by frequent eye blinking, covering mouth or looking away while speaking. Insecurity is exhibited by hands in pockets, fidgeting, coughing or hand wringing.

– Gestures. Some hand and arm gestures while speaking are good; they demonstrate animation and capture interest. But excessive gestures turn some off, and not using any suggests no enthusiasm. Head nods communicate interest and positive reinforcement.

In today’s business world touch is avoided because of “sexual implications.” However, touch demonstrates “You’re OK.”

– Interpersonal distance. Too much or too little space between people causes discomfort.Signals of uneasiness include rocking, leg swinging, tapping.

Appropriate amount of space for intimate communication is one and one/half feet or less. Close interpersonal contact requires one and one/half to four feet, and business transactions need four to 12 feet. Formal communications are beyond 12 feet.

– Vocal cues and linguistics. Speak in a level, modulated voice. Talk loud enough to be heard, but don’t shout. A low voice can make a strong point. 

Vary the tone, pitch, rhythm, timbre, loudness and inflection of your voice. Monotone suggests boredom. High pitch suggests excitement, and low pitch projects anger.

Arhythmic voice pattern projects confidence, authority. Irregular speech is considered thoughtful or uncertain. Slow speech frustrates listeners. Speaking too fast suggests nervousness, and is difficult to understand.

– Physical appearance and grooming.  Project a confident, energetic, enthusiastic, professional image.  

Look savvy, contemporary. Maintain standards of good taste. Dress according to company norms. Coordinate pieces. Wear spotless, well-tailored clothes. Maintain shoes, have hair cut professionally. Avoid strong fragrances, bulging briefcases.

Stand tall, sit erect.Slumping posture projects subservience, exhaustion and age.

– Handshake. Convey a positive first impression.Communicate power, confidence and sincerity with a firm grip. Support your grip with consistent nonverbal messages.  A loose handshake projects weakness, insecurity. A vice-like grip suggests intimidation and causes pain. Use a handshake after an agreement to symbolically seal it

Awareness of nonverbal behaviors enables you to send positive messages and eliminate destructive ones. To improve nonverbal communication, videotape yourself interacting with others.  Ask a friend to suggest refinements. Practice those you want to perfect.

Additional suggestions for strengthening nonverbal communication are found in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier: https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963  

Check audible edition: htps://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Author, Carole Kanchier, PhD, informs, inspires and challenges individuals to be all they can be! A registered psychologist, educator, speaker, and author/columnist, Kanchier encourages adults to look at career advancement in new ways.

A complementary copy of chapter 1, Questers Dare to Change, is available from Dr. Kanchier’s web site: www.questersdaretochange.com/book

To request a review copy of Questers or book an interview with Carole Kanchier please email: carole@questersdaretochange.com.www.questersdaretohang.com

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

Is Perfectionism Hindering Your Career Growth?

Are you always worried that no matter how hard you try it’s never good enough? Do you feel you must give 100 percent on everything or be considered a failure? Do you delay completing projects because you can’t get them right? Avoid giving opinions because they may sound stupid?

If so, you may be a perfectionist. Perfectionism refers to self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that cause people to set unrealistic goals, fear making mistakes.

Some perfectionism is good. It can advance your career and encourage excellence and pride in accomplishments. But excessive perfectionism may make you afraid to try. You worry about disapproval. Productivity and creativity diminish.  

Perfectionist attitudes can interfere with career success. Perfectionism leads to stress, impaired health, troubled interpersonal relationships, and reduced feelings of accomplishment and confidence. Other consequences include procrastination, fear of risk-taking and rejection, conformity, self-consciousness and doubt. Perfectionists are vulnerable to depression, performance anxiety,pessimism,compulsiveness, loneliness, disappointment,impatience, frustration and anger.

Perfectionists differ from healthy strivers. Strivers set goals based on their own needs and capabilities rather than external expectations. Their goals are realistic, potentially attainable. They enjoy the process of accomplishing challenging tasks rather than focusing solely on results. Their reactions to failure are limited to specific situations rather than generalized to self-worth. They accept constructive feedback and bounce back from failure quickly, energetically.

Perfectionists believe:

– It’s possible to do things perfectly.

– Mistakes must not be made.

– The highest standards must always be met.

– Failure to reach goals equals personal shortcomings.

– People judge others negatively if they see flaws.

– Needs are secondary to goal attainment.

– Everything is black or white, right or wrong.

Overcoming Perfectionism

— Accept yourself. Acknowledge who you are, not who you “should” be. List accomplishments and personal qualities that deserve recognition. Ask friends for feedback and support.  Take pride in successes.

Forgive mistakes. Accept the “ideal” as a guideline, goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100 percent. Give yourself credit for good performance and effort, even though not perfect. Use thought stopping techniques when you mentally scold yourself for not being “good enough.” Reward yourself for progress.

— Eliminate self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Realize perfectionism is an unattainable illusion.

Identify irrational thinking patterns, and dispute deceptive thoughts. For example, “I’ll get a reward if I perform perfectly. “Observe whether superiors always notice when you do things perfectly. When you recognize the inaccuracy of these beliefs, reevaluate. For example, if you decide you feel good when performing certain tasks perfectly, continue this behavior.  But, if nobody notices, you may decide to skip perfection.

Write answers to questions such as, ”What perfectionist characteristics do I have? What irrational beliefs do I possess? How do these impede my career advancement?  “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t complete things perfectly?

Try replacing one self-defeating thought or behavior with a more positive alternative one every week. Believe you’ll succeed.  Even though you’re not the model, you’re moving in a positive direction.

— Set attainable goals based on your purpose and strengths. Set each new goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment. Avoid all or nothing thinking. Reassess plans.

Outline realistic, flexible time frames for achievement of goals. Be patient as you work toward goals. Enjoy the process and learning involved.

Evaluate success in terms of what you’ve accomplished and degree of enjoyment.  Experiment with standards of excellence. Instead of aiming for 100 percent, try 80 percent for some projects.

Recognize mistakes are part of the process. “Imperfect” results don’t lead to punitive consequences. Learn from mistakes. Acknowledge your right to make them. When you stop making errors, you stop learning.

— Set time limits on tasks. Prioritize these.Outline activities that will move you toward your goal. Meet deadlines. When time is up, move to another activity.

— Don’t take criticism personally. Accept constructive feedback. Learn from it.

Remember, a healthy achiever has drive. A perfectionist is driven. Pablo Cassals advises: ”The main thing in life is not to be afraid to be human.”

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, speaker, registered psychologist, coach and author of award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life. https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963. Questers shows how to reevaluate lifelong personal and professional goals and plan for success.

Carole Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

Dr. Kanchier is available for consultations and interviews. Her team will be delighted to send a complementary PDF of Questers Dare to Change.

Contact: carole@daretochange.com;  http://www.questersdaretochange.com

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

carole@daretochange.com

Are You a Good Listener?

Are you a good listener?  Do others feel comfortable talking to you? 

Listening skills are crucial for personal and professional success. Unfortunately, studies suggest that only about 25 percent of us listen efficiently.

Ineffective listening affects productivity and morale. Faulty listening habits can alienate customers, damage relationships, and cause people to miss appointments and misinterpret suggestions. Managers, who are rated inefficient by subordinates, tend to be poor listeners. Subordinates, who fail to listen, may make mistakes.

Are you a good listener? 
Answer “yes” or “no.”

1. I finish sentences for others. 
2. When listening, I tend to think about what I will say next.
3. I listen for main ideas. 
4. I judge content, skip over delivery errors. 
5. When others ask questions, I give them full attention. 
6. Certain emotion-laden words anger me. 
7. I maintain eye contact. 
8. I get distracted easily. 
9. I take intensive notes. 
10. I listen between the lines to voice tones. 
11. I mentally summarize the speaker’s message. 
12. I anticipate what the speaker may say, then finish his statement. 
13. I give the speaker an opportunity to explain the issue. 
14. I never put others on the defensive. 
15. I tend to monopolize conversations. 

Scoring: One point for each “yes” to 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 13 and 14; and “no” to 1, 2, 6, 8, 9, 12, and 15. The higher your score the more you tend to be a good listener. To further verify your listening ability, ask a colleague to complete the quiz for you.
 
Effective listening is an active process. Like most skills, listening takes practice. Become aware of your ineffective listening habits, and practice effective skills.

 Tips for effective listening

— Focus on the speaker and attend to his or her message. This enables the speaker to feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings.  

— Demonstrate appropriate body language. Lean forward slightly and look the speaker in the eyes. Instead of sitting behind a desk, join the speaker in an adjoining chair. When appropriate, smile, frown, laugh, or maintain silence to let the speaker know you understand what he is saying.  

Radiate interest and offer encouragement. Speak softly (“Uh-huh”) and nod. Make comments such as “Fascinating,”  and offer prompts: “What did he say?” and “What did you do then?”

Ask questions for clarification after the speaker has finished so you won’t interrupt his train of thought. Repeat, in your own words, what the speaker said so you can ensure your understanding is correct.  For example, “So you’re saying …”  

— Listen for main ideas. Important points the speaker may want to convey could be mentioned at the start or end of a talk. Attend to statements that begin with phrases such as, “My point is …” or “The thing to remember is …” 

— Listen between the lines. Concentrate not only on what’s being said but also on the attitudes and motives behind the words. Note changing voice tone and volume, facial expressions, hand gestures and body movements. 

Observe whether the voice message is congruent with auditory and behavioral cues. Although the speaker says he’s excited about an idea or project, his lack of spontaneous movement, wandering or downcast eyes, unanimated voice tone, masked face or hunched posture may indicate he feels differently.

— Focus on the message. not speaker. the speaker’s accent, speech impediment or disorganized thought patterns. 

— Tune out everything but the speaker. To minimize distractions, close the office door, don’t answer the telephone, and turn off the computer. Don’t doodle or click your pen and continue to focus on what the speaker is saying.

— Don’t interrupt. This signals you’re not paying attention, and suggests the speaker’s comments are unimportant. 

Ensure the speaker has finished conveying the message before talking. If the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until he is finished. This will allow the speaker to feel his point has been made. 

— Keep an open mind. Don’t make assumptions about what the speaker is saying. Wait until she is finished before coming to conclusions.  Instead of dismissing the person or topic as dull, consider this as an opportunity to learn something new.  

— Don’t top the speaker. If someone is discussing the Rockies, avoid reminiscing about a trip to Italy.

Consider listening a learning experience and an opportunity to enhance relationships with others. 

Inspiring US President Quotes

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

Use Time Out To Re-examine Goals and Plan for Success

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life Shows How

https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Based on ongoing research, award winning, Questers Dare to Change, answers many questions you have about lifelong  career decision making.

* Are you a Quester? Check Quester traits with self-scoring quiz: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/services-2/quester-quiz/

* Courage – A crucial skill in changing times

* Develop a lifelong master plan for career success

* Develop a winning mindset

* Turn setbacks into opportunities

* Understand how job dissatisfaction affects health and productivity

* Are you ready for a career shift?

* Overcome fear of failure

* Entry, mastery, and disengagement – Where are you?

* Find your truth – Complete self-scoring quizzes

… And so much more

Check audible Questers: https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Please review sample book chapters: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/book/excerpts/ and Carole’s blogs: http://www.questersdaretochange.com/blog

Carole Kanchier will be delighted to send a complementary PDF version of Questers for review, and be available for a consultation or speaking engagement at your request. Sample articles/columns are on Carole’s web site: www.questersdaretochange.com/blog.

Contact: Carole Kanchier, PhD

carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

Do You See the Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

Winston Churchill once said, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Research shows that, on average, human beings are hardwired to be more optimistic than not.

Optimism is an attitude that can positively affect a person’s mental and physical health. Optimism can also help reduce a person’s stress and increase longevity.

Being optimistic is defined as expecting the best possible outcome from any given situation. It thus reflects a belief that future conditions will work out for the best. For this reason, it is seen as a trait that fosters resilience in the face of stress.

Optimism doesn’t mean engaging in wishful or fantastic thinking. It’s a way of looking at the world that gives more agency to the optimist as being at least partly responsible when life is going well. Optimists have healthier outlooks and tend to live longer than their more pessimistic counterparts; they also are less susceptible to the negative effects of illness, fatigue, and depression. However, an unrealistic belief that a person’s future will be full of only positive events can lead them to take unnecessary risks, particularly with their health and finances.

Optimism is a good trait to develop as we face the varied challenges of the coronaviris pandemic

Research indicates that optimism is vitally important in overcoming defeat, promoting achievement, and improving and maintaining health. Studies show that optimists do much better in school, at work, and on the playing field. They regularly exceed the predictions of aptitude tests, and when they run for office, they are more likely than pessimist to get elected. Their health is very good and they tend to live longer.

How Optimistic Are You?

Answer yes or no.

1. I usually count on good things to happen.

2. It’s easy for me to fall asleep.

3. I’m usually confident I’ll achieve my goals.

4. If something can go wrong for me, it will.

5. I’m always hopeful about my future.

6. I enjoy my friends and family.

7. In uncertain times, I usually expect the best.

8. I don’t usually expect things to go my way.

9. Overall, I anticipate more good things will happen to me than bad.

10. I don’t get upset too easily.

Scoring and Interpretation: Give yourself  2 points for responding yes to items 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9; and 2 points for responding no to items 4 and 8. Add your points. The higher your score, the more optimistic you seem to be.

Tips for Becoming Optimistic

You create your own life script by the thoughts you think, and you have the power to change these. One of the most significant findings in psychology is that individuals can choose the way they think.

Pessimists can learn to be optimists by changing their attitudes and learning a new set of cognitive skills.

So can you!

Practice positive self-talk.  “I like myself because … “  “I can … “ “I will … “  Use positive statements about such things as being healthy, being in control, or being blessed. Write down affirmations. For example, “I can change … “

Don’t criticize or complain. Think of ways to improve the situation. Avoid phrases such as, “I can’t or “I’m too old.”

Read inspirational books and listen to positive message tapes.

Concentrate on your successes. Create a “success” collage by gluing pictures together that illustrate who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. Include the goal you want to attain, how you want to look, and the personal and professional image you want to project. Look at it every day.

View problems as challenges. If you lose your job, for example, consider it an opportunity to pursue your dream.

Count your blessings — not your troubles. Put enthusiasm into your work. 

Write down your negative thoughts and feelings. Indicate why you feel this way. For example, when adversity strikes, listen to your explanation. When it’s pessimistic, dispute it. Use evidence, alternatives, implications, and usefulness as guides. Replace negative thoughts with more positive ones. Each time you catch yourself using a negative phrase, say, “Cancel, cancel.”

Take your mind off your “problems.” Get involved in activities that let you focus your attention away from the problem. For example, go to movies or concerts, meditate, listen to music or invite friends over for dinner, or engage in physical activities.

Greet others with positive, cheerful statements. Smile. This generates enthusiasm, friendliness and good will. Associate with positive, happy people who will give you support and encouragement as you work toward your goals. Make other people feel important — and do it sincerely.

Look for and expect good things to happen. Success is 15 percent aptitude and 85 percent attitude. Your attitude will determine your success in your new venture. Fill your mind with happiness, positive and constructive thoughts, desired outcomes, and helpful ideas. You’re special and have unique talents. You’re a winner.

Research indicates that optimism is vitally important in overcoming defeat, promoting achievement, and improving and maintaining health. Studies show that optimists do much better in school, at work, and on the playing field. They regularly exceed the predictions of aptitude tests, and when they run for office, they are more likely than pessimist to get elected. Their health is very good and they tend to live longer.

Questers described in award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Carole Kanchier, discusses numerous other suggestions for strengthening optimism: https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Check audible Questers: https://www.audible.com/pd/Questers-Dare-to-Change-Your-Job-and-Life-Audiobook/B07VZNKGJF?asin=B07VZNKGJF&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&pf_rd_p=34883c04-32e5-4474-a65d-0ba68f4635d3&pf_rd_r=TN801GRP49AWQSSYMDYC1

Author Bio: Carole Kanchier, PhD, is an internationally recognized newspaper/digital columnist, registered psychologist, coach and author of award winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.  Kanchier has taught at University of California, Berkeley and Santa Cruz, University of Alberta, and other institutions of higher learning, and worked with clients representing many disciplines. Dr. Kanchier is known for her pioneering, interdisciplinary approach to human potential.

Contact: carole@daretochange.com; carole@questersdaretochange.com; www.questersdaretochange.com