© Carole Kanchier, PhD
carole@daretochange.com
Are You a Good Listener?
Are you a good listener?
Do others feel comfortable talking to you?
Listening skills are crucial for personal and professional success.
Unfortunately, studies suggest that only about 25 percent of us listen
efficiently.
Ineffective listening affects productivity and morale. Faulty listening habits
can alienate customers, damage relationships, and cause people to miss
appointments and misinterpret suggestions. Managers, who are rated inefficient
by subordinates, tend to be poor listeners. Subordinates, who fail to listen,
may make mistakes.
Are you a good listener?
Answer “yes” or “no.”
1. I finish sentences for others.
2. When listening, I tend to think about what I will say next.
3. I listen for main ideas.
4. I judge content, skip over delivery errors.
5. When others ask questions, I give them full attention.
6. Certain emotion-laden words anger me.
7. I maintain eye contact.
8. I get distracted easily.
9. I take intensive notes.
10. I listen between the lines to voice tones.
11. I mentally summarize the speaker’s message.
12. I anticipate what the speaker may say, then finish his statement.
13. I give the speaker an opportunity to explain the issue.
14. I never put others on the defensive.
15. I tend to monopolize conversations.
Scoring: One point for each “yes” to 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 13 and 14;
and “no” to 1, 2, 6, 8, 9, 12, and 15. The higher your score the more
you tend to be a good listener. To further verify your listening ability, ask a
colleague to complete the quiz for you.
Effective listening is an active process. Like most skills, listening takes practice.
Become aware of your ineffective listening habits, and practice effective
skills.
Tips for effective listening
— Focus on the speaker and attend to his or her message. This enables
the speaker to feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings.
— Demonstrate appropriate body language. Lean forward slightly and look
the speaker in the eyes. Instead of sitting behind a desk, join the speaker in
an adjoining chair. When appropriate, smile, frown, laugh, or maintain silence
to let the speaker know you understand what he is saying.
Radiate interest and offer encouragement. Speak softly (“Uh-huh”) and
nod. Make comments such as “Fascinating,” and offer prompts:
“What did he say?” and “What did you do then?”
Ask questions for clarification after the speaker has finished so you won’t
interrupt his train of thought. Repeat, in your own words, what the speaker
said so you can ensure your understanding is correct. For example,
“So you’re saying …”
— Listen for main ideas. Important points the speaker may want to
convey could be mentioned at the start or end of a talk. Attend to statements
that begin with phrases such as, “My point is …” or “The thing
to remember is …”
— Listen between the lines. Concentrate not only on what’s being said but
also on the attitudes and motives behind the words. Note changing voice tone
and volume, facial expressions, hand gestures and body movements.
Observe whether the voice message is congruent with auditory and behavioral
cues. Although the speaker says he’s excited about an idea or project, his lack
of spontaneous movement, wandering or downcast eyes, unanimated voice tone,
masked face or hunched posture may indicate he feels differently.
— Focus on the message. not speaker. the speaker’s accent, speech
impediment or disorganized thought patterns.
— Tune out everything but the speaker. To minimize distractions, close
the office door, don’t answer the telephone, and turn off the computer. Don’t
doodle or click your pen and continue to focus on what the speaker is saying.
— Don’t interrupt. This signals you’re not paying attention, and
suggests the speaker’s comments are unimportant.
Ensure the speaker has finished conveying the message before talking. If the
speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until he is finished. This
will allow the speaker to feel his point has been made.
— Keep an open mind. Don’t make assumptions about what the speaker is
saying. Wait until she is finished before coming to conclusions. Instead
of dismissing the person or topic as dull, consider this as an opportunity to
learn something new.
— Don’t top the speaker. If someone is discussing the Rockies, avoid
reminiscing about a trip to Italy.
Consider listening a learning experience and an opportunity to enhance
relationships with others.
