How to you handle disagreements at work? Do you:
- Satisfy your own needs at the expense of others (Compete)?
- Identify concerns of both parties and explore resolutions that would satisfy both (Collaborate)?
- Settle on a solution that partially satisfies both party’s concerns (Compromise)?
- Evade unpleasant issues (Avoid)?
- Satisfy the other person’s concern at the expense of your own (Accommodate)?
- Use varied approaches depending on the situation (Integrate)?
Surveys show that supervisors spend about one-quarter to one-third of their time handling conflicts. Disagreements occur over resources, policies, complaints, rule enforcement and resentments.
Many people don’t know how to manage conflict positively. Poorly practiced, conflict may result in hurt and defensiveness. Because people have to work with certain colleagues every day, they don’t want to harm relationships. Therefore, they tend to avoid or settle disputes too quickly.
Meaningful conflict management is crucial for healthy organizational and individual growth. Disagreements often result in a more thorough study of options and better decisions and direction.
Managing conflict
There is no best way to handle conflict, and there are varied conflict resolution models. The following five conflict management modes, developed by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, can be highly effective when used in the right circumstances and applied skillfully.
Each style has advantages and disadvantages. Your effectiveness in managing disputes depends on knowing when to use each approach, and having the skills to perform them well. Acquire a few new behavioral skills each month.
– Competing. You want to win, assert your position. You try to satisfy your own concerns at the expense of others. Benefits of this model include a quick victory or decision, protection of your interests, and the ability to test assumptions. Disadvantages include stressed work relationships, suboptimal decisions, decreased motivation, and possible deadlock.
Use competing sparingly. Compete on vital issues when you know you’re right, when decisive action is required immediately, or when you’re under attack.
Set and adhere to rules of fairness for everybody. Be respectful, tough-minded, persuasive and credible. Gather necessary information, explain your motives and appeal to shared concerns. Stick to the issue. Listen and respond. Don’t threaten or impose a decision.
– Collaborating. You try to find a position that would fully satisfy your own and the other’s concerns. This win-win strategy moves you toward an integrated solution.
Benefits of collaboration include innovative, high quality solutions, enhanced communication and learning, commitment, and strengthened relationships. Disadvantages include expending time and energy, and the possibility of offending or being exploited.
Collaborate on important issues. Pool resources when you want to integrate ideas from diverse perspectives, require commitment, or want to develop a relationship.
Study issues first. Build trust and foster a climate of openness to new ideas. Clarify and share concerns. Use “we” language, and focus on the benefits of a solution. Brainstorm resolutions and select the one most acceptable to both parties. Be firm when necessary.
– Compromising. Compromising is about both giving and receiving. There is no clear winner or loser, but rather both gains and losses for each party.
Advantages of compromising include pragmatism, speed and expediency, maintenance of relationships, and fairness. Disadvantages include partially sacrificed concerns, suboptimal solutions and superficial understanding of the situation.
Try not to compromise on vital issues. Take turns bearing small costs. Settle on important issues when you need a temporary solution, when assertiveness would harm a relationship, or when competing or collaborating have failed.
Evaluate the facts of your situation objectively. Insist on fairness up front. Suggest compromises without appearing weak. Ensure partial concessions are reciprocated.
– Avoiding. You try not to engage in a conflict issue. In this lose-lose approach, you sidestep the conflict without trying to satisfy either party’s concerns.
Advantages of this strategy include reduction of stress by avoiding unpleasant tasks or people, evading the possibility of “rocking the boat,” and gaining time for preparation of another strategy. Costs may include resentment of ignored people, delays which may cost more time and negative energy, and deterioration of communication and decision-making.
Try not to avoid people, even those you dislike. Evade unimportant issues, those you can’t win, are too sensitive, or may be symptoms of other problems.
Give reasons for avoidance. When postponing, set a time. Don’t personalize the issue, blame, or become angry or evasive. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and use humor to diffuse tension
– Accommodating. You neglect or sacrifice your own concerns in favor of the other party.
Benefits of this mode include maintaining or building goodwill by helping the other, and cutting losses to move forward. Disadvantages include sacrificing your interests, loss of motivation or respect, and exploitation from others.
Don’t fall into a pattern of appeasement. Make small sacrifices when it’s important to others or to clean up hard feelings. Concede gracefully when you are overruled or losing.
Explain, but don’t defend your position. When satisfying a complaint, accept anger but not abuse. Listen, apologize, and make reparations when appropriate.
Remember, you have choices in conflict. You can steer conflicts in different directions by choosing diverse strategies. Give yourself time to think about which technique would be most beneficial in the particular situation.
Dr. Carole Kanchier is a registered psychologist, coach, syndicated columnist and author of the award-winning, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life: https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963
