The word, “authenticity” comes from the Greek root authentikos, meaning “original, genuine, principal.” Authentic people are genuine, self actualizing and have a sense of purpose. Along with fearless passion and courage, they possess strong mental discipline.

Authenticity does not come from title, social stature, or wealth, but rather from how we live. That is, how we go about pursuing our purpose and making a contribution in our own unique way. Authentic people prevail in changing times because they are in harmony with the energy of the universe. Most Questers, described in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, are authentic: www.questersdaretochange.com.

How authentic are you? 

Check qualities you possess. I …

1. perform daily activities in unique ways

2. work hard

3. share honest opinions

4. enjoy being alone

5. am self aware

6. am curious

7. love intellectual stimulation

8. am respectful of others

9. recognize inter-relationships

10. seek new opportunities

11. exude vibrancy

12. care about environmental issues

13. live in the moment

Scoring: The more statements you checked, the more authentic you seem to be.

Fostering authenticity

To be authentic, you must understand who you are, what you want to be, and how you want to fit in the world. You should be self-guided.

Build self esteem.

Confidence gives you courage to set high expectations, to risk, to grow, to be authentic. Acknowledge your accomplishments. Prepare a list of positive achievements and personality characteristics. Post this where you can read it daily. Don’t change to please others or compare yourself to or compete with others.

Stretch yourself.

Constantly push the envelope, raising standards. Challenge conventional beliefs and paths. Travel uncharted territories. Although this may invoke disappointments, accepting and growing through challenges enhances authenticity.

Be in the moment.

Engage yourself completely in the activity at hand.

Maintain perspective.

Time and distance can make mountains seem like molehills. Don’t let what happened yesterday affect what will happen tomorrow. Face each challenge with an open mind. Look upon setbacks as one step toward growth and authenticity.

Take comfort in uncertainty.

This unchartered path evolves moment-by-moment. Realize the path is the goal. Everything is workable.

Focus on the positive.

Look for and expect good things. Each time you catch yourself thinking something negative, replace it with a more positive thought.

Strengthen resilience.

Note what you’ve learned from traumatic experiences. Indicate how these have made you stronger, wiser, more authentic. Identify early cues that you’ve ignored, and what you’d now do differently.

Bolster courage to risk.

Review three successful risks taken. Note what made these successful. Identify perceived barriers for taking another risk, and explore ways to overcome them.

Manage fear.

Identify worrisome issues. Minimize these by researching relevant information and resources. Live in the present. Let go of “attachments.”

Create a life in which you continue to grow and have choices.

Make choices in harmony with your authentic self. Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life shows you how.

Are you a millennial between ages 18 to 34? Are you wondering what to do with your life?

If so, you may be experiencing the Age-30 transition. This transition from late adolescence to adulthood, is extending in length due to changing economic, technological and societal uncertainties.

During this critical period, you assess who you are and what you want to do. You can now think in abstract terms, look at reality from many angles, and consider the implications of your decisions. You may also look at time differently. You become aware that life is finite, but you still have time to do it all!

In North America, you are given permission to take time out, delay commitments. You experiment with romantic attractions, work at odd jobs, or try different courses in your first years at college. Adult responsibilities are put on hold so that you can feel free to experiment, explore. Flexible and inner-directed, you may be unlikely to subscribe to authoritarian values.

Ellen studied law because her parents were lawyers, but learned that she had no interest in working in the field. So she took time out to travel, to rethink the direction of her life. Ellen returned from her moratorium with greater self-understanding, and renewed confidence and energy to pursue her self determined career choice, public health nursing.

Recent Census Bureau data show that 30-year olds today, as compared to those aged-30 in 1975, are less likely to have hit many milestones that have defined adulthood in past decades.

In 1975, the majority of 30-year-olds were working, married, living away from their parents, and had a child. Now millennials, between ages 18 to 34, are living more like the adolescents of the 1970s and earlier. Many are living at home with parents.

Millennials are delaying marriage and family longer than previous generations. Many say they don’t want children. The birth rate for women in their 20s is the slowest of any generation of young women in U.S. history. Perhaps because of their slow journey to marriage, millennials lead all generations in their share of out-of-wedlock births.

According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, in 2012, 47 percent of births to women in the millennial generation were non-marital, compared with 21 percent among older women. Some of this gap reflects a lifecycle effect—older women have always been less likely to give birth outside of marriage. But the gap is also driven by a shift in behaviors in recent decades.

The Pew survey also reports many millennials are relatively unattached to organized politics and religion. Linked by social media, burdened by student debt, poverty and unemployment, they are in no rush to marry. Those with lower levels of income and education, lack what they deem to be a necessary prerequisite to marriage – a solid economic foundation.

Millennials’ liberalism is apparent in their views on a range of social issues such as same-sex marriage, interracial marriage, and marijuana legalization. However, their views on other social issues, including abortion and gun control, are not much different from those of older adults.

Millennials are also America’s most racially diverse generation, a trend driven by large waves of Hispanic and Asian immigrants who have been coming to North America for the past half century.

Despite their financial burdens, millennials tend to be economic optimists. The Pew survey reports that more than eight-in-ten say they either currently have enough money to lead the lives they want, or expect to live in the future. Some of this optimism may reflect the timeless confidence of youth.

Millennials are less likely than older generations to be affiliated with any religion. However, the majority believe that God exists. These young adults may, like previous generations, develop a stronger belief in God over the course of their lives.

The road ahead for millennials is exhilarating, conflicting, and sometimes overwhelming. The major psychological tasks of this generation, according to ErikErikson, pioneer of life cycle theory and identity development, is attaining a mature identity. This requires exploring several options before choosing among life’s alternatives; and then committing to choices, at least for a while.

Managing the Age-30 Transition

If you are experiencing the Age-30 Transition, ask yourself:

– What is my dream job?

– What needs and values do I want to express in this job?

– What skills do I want to use?

– What job tasks do I want to perform?

– How much responsibility do I want (senior management, good team contributor)

– What is my ideal salary?

– Where would I like to work (downtown in a large city, rural community, in my home)

– Where can I get additional information about my career and lifestyle options?

To learn more about your desired career and lifestyle options, conduct research. Public libraries, educational institutions, private organizations, the internet, and informational interviews with professionals in your fields of interest are good places to start.

Are you wondering whether you should make changes in your career — and life, or stay put? You know that something’s missing but you can’t put your finger on it! You may be ready for a new career.

Are you satisfied with your job? 

Respond “yes” or “no:”

1. Is your body sending you messages? Do you have lingering colds? Trouble getting up work days?

2. Are you constantly thinking, “I can hardly wait till Friday?”

3. Do you frequently daydream at work?

4. Do you call in sick when you’re not?

5. Have your performance and productivity slipped?

7. Do you have many disagreements with colleagues or superiors?

8. Will leaving the organization enable you to achieve desired goals.

9. Is your work damaging your self confidence, health, or other?

Two or more “yeses” suggest you may be dissatisfied. To nurture your career, act. If you’re convinced a job move is in order, go for it!

Career Transition Tips 

Define and overcome barriers.

Describe any blocks that are preventing you from making a move. Examples could be fear of losing a secure income, pension or other benefits; fear that you will lose power, prestige; fear of having to live up to an image, making a mistake, or being embarrassed; not knowing where to begin a new job search; or guilt that change may interfere with relationships.

Know that you have many exciting options.

These include changing departments in the same organization, shifting employers, changing occupational fields, becoming self employed, taking a sabbatical or going back to school for upgrading or retraining.

Investigate options.

Research and planning will reduce risk. For example, if you want to return to school or start your own business, and fear reduced income, you can learn to live on less, work part-time while pursing your goal and borrow money from family or the bank. A new career affects many areas of your life.

Avoid guilt.

Don’t worry about letting everyone down, or what others may think. Don’t imourn a job that no longer meets your needs.

Don’t stay in a job you dislike because of security.

Security is wishful thinking. But developing positive attitudes, believing in yourself, working hard, and developing the will to risk will enable you to succeed.

Realize that change involves tradeoffs.

Change may involve some temporary personal or financial sacrifices. But most Questers agree that in the long term, their gains far outweigh their losses. Greater satisfaction, independence, flexibility and control over personal and work lives are some benefits acquired.

Listen to your self.

Don’t base your self-respect on what other’s think. Listening to your feelings will help you identify what you really want. If you make the move that’s right for you, you will succeed. Better relationships with family and friends are often added benefits.

Don’t make excuses.

Be honest. If you feel stagnant, deciding to stay can be as traumatic as moving. Staying in a job with no hope of advancement or satisfaction is self defeating and risky. Stress, illness, and loss of enthusiasm, self-confidence and employability may result.

Don’t be afraid to fail.

Setbacks are learning experiences. Successful changers eliminate much failure by planning and persisting. If they do fail, and they do, they say, “I’ve done my best. … I’m only human.” Then they figure out what went wrong, modify their plans and try again.

Start that new career off on the right foot!

Darryl wants to establish his own business, but thinks he’ll deprive his family of their comfortable lifestyle. Kelly wants to return to school, but fears she’ll lose her independence. They are having trouble managing fear.

What’s stopping you from going after what you want?

We often hesitate to follow our hearts, because of perceived barriers. To take charge of our lives we need to identify our blocks. Are any of the following stopping you from pursuing dreams?

• Afraid you can’t find help?
• Fearful you’ll lose a secure or high income, pension or other benefits?
• Afraid change will interfere with personal relationships or create family hardships?
• Frightened of losing power or prestige?
• Afraid of making a mistake or of being successful?
• Lack clear goals?

Many barriers to growth involve fear. Acknowledge your fears. Fear is a reassuring signal that you’re about to stretch yourself. Fear alerts you to protect yourself from loss.

Underlying most fear is lack of trust in your ability to perform. Some fear is good, instinctual. It alerts you to danger. But continuous fear is destructive, a barrier to growth.

Fear is the result of conditioning. We learn early to be cautious. Parents warn children to “be careful.” This conveys messages that we won’t be able to cope. Because fear is learned, it can be unlearned. Managing fear is important.

Managing Fear

Live in the present.

Fear is the acronym for False Expectations Appear Real. Don’t worry about what might happen. Live now. Research your goal, develop an action plan to minimize setbacks, and each day work toward your goal.

Let go of “attachments.”

Since fear usually accompanies the process of “letting go,” the more attached you are to something, the greater the fear of losing it. If you’re attached to a good-paying job, you may fear leaving it for work that promises more growth.

Know and accept yourself.

Know your purpose. Fear results from a discrepancy between your actions and needs. When you’re true to your purpose, you experience harmony and stability. When you ignore your spiritual self, you experience disharmony, indecision and doubt. Work at achieving goals that are compatible with your purpose. Believe you’ll attain them.

Don’t try to live up to others’ expectations.

What do you want? If you’re centered, your personal power will help you achieve your goals. You’ll feel comfortable taking the necessary steps. Money and possessions will often be a by-product.

See yourself as someone who has choices…

…takes action, and operates from a position of inner strength. You’re in control and have choices. As your power builds, so will your confidence and risk-taking ability. Not taking action is a choice.

Watch yourself talk.

Keep a log to track the negatives you say. Each time you catch yourself saying something that fuels your fear, replace it with a more positive statement. Think “I can” instead of “I can’t.”

Form a support group.

Associate with people who make you feel good and support your goals.

Develop the will to risk.

Risk taking gets easier with practice. Start with small risks in daily activities. Before going to sleep at night, plan your risk for the next day.

Live a balanced life.

Become involved in varied activities (e.g., relationships, hobbies, spiritual and community activities) to make your life complete. This will enhance your creativity. You may even enjoy a job which was unsatisfying.

These 9 tips on managing fear can help you move forward with things unknown!

Charles, 32, a biologist, has two great job offers. One is with an older, established public corporation, and the second with a fast growing four-year old private firm. Charles does not know which one to accept.

What type of company would you prefer? What criteria should Charles use when making this decision?

Most important, evaluate the job in terms of its compatibility with your personal qualities and desired career goals and lifestyle. Consider your passion, needs, interests and skills.

Know everything about each company and position. Use the Internet, library and your network. Talk to professionals in the industry and organization.

Request meetings with prospective peers and superiors. Ask them about their jobs and company challenges. Find out problems that need immediate attention. Ask how the position has been performed previously, and what happened to the last person on the job. Know what’s expected of you, and how quickly you’ll be expected to work up to speed. Note evasive or defensive responses.

Factors Charles considered when evaluating options

Finances.

Both companies are offering a similar salary. The older company is financially sound. Raises are provided annually, and benefits such as paid vacation time, sick days, medical plans and retirement are great. The newer company is just starting to make a profit. Raises are generally made annually. Benefits are fair, but expected to improve within the next few years, and generous stock options will be given.

Professional development.

When promotions become available in the older company, they are based on both merit and seniority. The company has many in-house and external training programs which include reimbursement for off-site training, coaching and career pathing. With the newer company’s anticipated rapid growth, talented employees can expect to be promoted relatively quickly. Professional development is offered on an individual and as needed basis.

Organizational culture and management style.

The older company has specific, written procedures to follow with clear lines of authority and responsibility. However, management allows each unit to develop its own culture without too much intervention from the central office. The younger company encourages creative expression, challenge, intelligent risk-taking and high employee expectations. Hierarchy and lines of authority are informal.

Nature of the work.

The job is valued at both companies. The responsibilities, level of accountability and scope of authority are clearly defined in the older company. The younger company allows more scope and flexibility for employees to define the forgoing enabling professionals to adapt job duties to maximize their strengths, preferences and goals.

Work environment.

The older company’s physical setting and overall appearance is elegant and traditional. Conventional office attire is required. The younger company has a more informal environment and dress code. Both appear to have good staff morale, and are committed to diversity.

Work-life balance.

The position at the older company requires little night or weekend work, and offers many support services. The younger company offers more flexible work schedules and telecommuting options, but motivated professionals generally work many hours. Both have similar commute distances, and are in urban communities that offer varied cultural, social and athletic activities.

Compatibility of personal qualities and desired lifestyle

Charles has strong needs for autonomy, growth, achievement and way of life. He wants a balanced life and enjoys the finer things. He is passionate about creative problem solving, and likes improvising, managing, planning, researching and analyzing. His career goal is to make a contribution to his field.

Charles likes the stability and amenities of the older company, but knows he could become frustrated by fewer promotions and bureaucracy. He likes the idea of being involved in defining potential projects that the younger company offers, and believes he would move up the ranks quickly.

Charles thinks he would be supported by prospective superiors in both companies. However, he feels the atmosphere of the older company might be a bit stultifying. He likes the energetic, creative co-workers in the smaller company, and feels he would be more productive in the innovative culture. However, such an intense environment may conflict with his desire for balance.

The older company’s immediate and continuous good standard of living appeals to Charles since he plans on getting married and would like to start a family. The offer of a faster paced career would meet many needs, and the possibility of becoming wealthy early with stock options is appealing. Discussion with his fiancée, revealed that she would support Charles in any decision.

Decision making style.

Charles listed all important criteria on the left side of a page, and the two options at the top. He assigned a plus one, a minus one, and a zero 0 to each criterion important to him. After he added the points, he took a few days off to let his intuition kick in. Charles had good feelings about the newer company so decided to accept the offer.

If you are in a similar position, consider all the factors offered by the company as well as your personal qualities and situation. Only you and your partner know what’s best for you!

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” ~ Charles Darwin

Change happens around us every day. Yet, why do many people fear change? We get into comfortable ruts! When something takes us out of our comfort zones – job loss, geographic move – we feel uncomfortable because we must adjust to a different situation.

We can learn from adversity or change if we look at lessons with open minds. Winston Churchill said: “A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty”.

Eastern thinkers believe everything in life is impermanent. When we accept the fact that nothing lasts forever, we’re equipped to manage changes. Therefore, enjoy good times, and remember challenging times are temporary.

How well do you adapt to change?

Answer yes or no:

1. I’m self-reliant, resilient, flexible

2. I like learning, challenge

3. I like stability, structure, predictability

4. I’m cautious, dislike fast-paced environments

5. I value growth over security

6. I adapt quickly to new situations

7. I dislike variety

8. I’m bothered when something interrupts routine

9. I like trying new things

10. I handle stress well

11. I get frustrated with time pressures

12. I like doing things the same way.

Scoring: 1 point for each yes to 1, 2, 5, 6, 9 and 10; and each no to 3, 4, 7, 8, 11 and 12. To empower yourself to manage change, consider suggestions below.

Adapting to change

Since changes occur in most aspects of our lives, we can learn to respond to change with positive anticipation, believing change brings new opportunities.

View career growth as a lifelong process of personal and professional development – a continuing quest to maintain harmony between who you are and what you do.

Take responsibility for your career.

Create new opportunities with your current or another employer. Consider time out, full or part-time study, travel or self employment.

Identify personal and transferable skills.

These enable you to perform in varied situations. Employers value adaptive skills like openness to ideas, persistence, critical evaluation, enthusiasm, helpfulness, patience, optimism and tolerance.

Strengthen “meta skills.”

These skills for tomorrow can’t be easily automated. They include problem solving, research, judgment, inspiration, relationship building, ethical leadership, mental training and emotional intelligence.

Continuously update technical and professional skills and strengthen Quester qualities like authenticity, purpose, risk, confidence and resilience.

Cultivate and use intuition.

Intuitive skills help you deal with ambiguous circumstances. Practice relaxation to slow your mind and listen to inner signals. Ask dreams for direction before going to sleep. Keep a journal. Pray. Communicate with nature.

Continue to learn.

Lifelong learning is the ongoing, voluntary, and self-motivated pursuit of knowledge for personal, interpersonal, leisure, health, spiritual or professional reasons. Workshops, online courses, night school, apprenticeship programs, and correspondence school offer programs. Some learning activities are recognized by traditional educational institutions and may be called adult education.

Think critically.

Critical thinkers ask questions, evaluate, categorize, and find relationships. To read critically, ask: What are main points? Can I put this into my own words? Is a bias apparent? Could a different conclusion be drawn? Are ideas supported by evidence? Do I agree with the author? What are implications?

Strengthen creativity.

Approach the problem from different angles. Ask for feedback from people with different backgrounds. Avoid negativity. View work differently. What would happen if you shrink, enlarge or change its shape?

Surround yourself with diverse stimuli. Seek information outside your specialty. Awaken your child within. Play. Believe anything is possible.

Expand your horizons. Go beyond borders. Prepare for and welcome the unexpected. Innovate, adapt, explore, seize opportunities. Nothing is beyond reach! Follow examples of the Questers in “Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life” – available for purchase at link above.

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. ~ John F. Kennedy

Are you a risk taker? If you said no, think again. You may be more of a risk taker than you think.

David works as a sales clerk to support his fledgling acting career. Before that he taught school, following 12 years as a computer programmer. You may perceive David to be a risk taker having left two positions which had good security and pay. But David doesn’t see himself as a risk taker. For David, risk involves physical activities such as mountain climbing.

Most of us are more conscious of the risks we avoid than those we take. That’s why we don’t think we’re risk takers. And because we’re aware of the risks we avoid, we assume that others take bigger risks. But they may be avoiding risks we’re taking. So risk, in this sense, is in the eye of the beholder.

When we describe something as “risky,” we usually mean it’s scary, to us. And because few of us get involved in activities we fear, we don’t view ourselves as risk takers. Yet, when someone else does something that’s scary to us, it’s hard to imagine they’re not afraid. Since we weigh risk in comparison to our fears, we perceive that person to be a risk taker. However, they may not view themselves as risk takers.

What’s risky to you?

– Physical danger — sky diving, skiing, taking drugs, having cosmetic surgery?

– Psychological/Emotional — staying in a dead-end job, getting married or divorced?

– Social — giving a presentation, telling jokes at a company party, traveling solo in a foreign country?

– Intellectual — taking a graduate course, chairing a high-level policy meeting?

– Economic — investing in stocks, changing jobs, buying a home, starting a business?

– Career — involving any combination of the above?

Think about three successful risks you’ve taken in any life component. What did you do to make it turn out well? In which categories did the risks fall? What have you learned about yourself and your risk taking behavior?

Strengthening ability to risk

Describe the fears blocking you from making a change.

Barriers could include fear of loss of a secure income, fear of failure such as starting a new job, and guilt that change might create family hardships. Identify ways to overcome these obstacles.

Let go of “attachments.”

The more attached you are to something, the greater the fear of losing it. Ask yourself, “What do I want to let go of?” “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I let go?” “What people, resources and support would make my goal less risky?”

Live in the present.

Because most fear centers around the future, don’t spend time worrying about what might happen.

Know your mission, strengths and priorities.

It’s easier to risk for something you’re passionate about. What do you really want to do? How does this differ from what others think you should do? Replace the “shoulds” with your own values. As you turn your priorities around, risking will become easier.

Clarify your goal and a plan to achieve it.

Break the goal down into small steps. What’s the first step you could take? When could you take it? Do this for each step.

Watch “self-talk.”

Each time you catch yourself saying something that fuels your fear, say “cancel,” and replace it with a more positive statement. Shift your vocabulary from being a victim to someone with power and strength.

View setbacks as learning experience as you move toward your goal.

Failure can be reduced by planning and persisting.

What risk would you like to take this week? What can you do to prepare for it?

Life is a challenge, meet it; it’s an opportunity, take it; life is an adventure, dare it!

How can events in Brazil – or anywhere else – affect how you do your job today and even whether you’ll have that job tomorrow? This is known as Chaos Theory.

Sometimes, things appear to come “out of the blue.” Do you know someone who has been downsized – not for the first time, but for the second, or third?

Productive employees may be dismissed as a result of being caught in a wave of change. These workers are often experiencing the effects of disorder common to large natural systems. Indeed, economic systems are natural systems. They are susceptible not only to large, immediate fluctuations, but to distant and small changes.

We look for causes and find none because the relationships do not have one-to-one patterns. Instead, they’re understood using the insights of chaos theory. Chaos theory is attributed to meteorologist, Edward Lorenz. The most frequently used metaphor Lorenz used to explain the theory is that the butterfly fluttering its wings in the Amazon rain forest can cause a storm in distant places such as Vancouver.

Just as that Brazilian event can bring rain or sunshine to your day, so can distant events bring changes to your work. Fluctuations in China’s economy, the war in Iraq, or almost any other event will sooner or later affect the work of people faraway from that event.

Chaos theory explains how a rainforest achieves stability and balance without anybody programming what grows where and why. It shows that the wild chaos of the rainforest, with no imposed control, manages to succeed as a “happy” rainforest – unless interfered with by humankind. 

Chaos theory defines a new attitude. It enables scientists to understand the wholeness of their subject rather than smaller subsections. It demonstrates we’re all part of a complex system in which anything affects everything. A universal tendency of complex systems is to create order within themselves.

That’s what your career is like. Why not use insights gained from chaos theory to prepare for changes that may occur?

Adapting to chaos

Guide your own career.

Expect change. No matter how secure you feel, circumstances may change. Look for opportunities to initiate change. Small changes can bring big effects. If you’re unhappy with your job, consider taking a break. Study, travel, or work full- or part-time in another field. Consider similar options if unemployed. Unexpected opportunities may arise.

Know how to transfer your strengths.

Skills and knowledge used in one industry can be applied others. For example, skills required for customer service positions such as problem solving and interpersonal skills can be applied to sales and management jobs.

Identify and pursue your purpose.

This is your compass which will guide you through chaos. When you’re in touch with the real you and live out who you believe you are, you’ll have you a sense of direction, inner peace and satisfaction. You’ll be in harmony with changes occurring in the universal system.

Re-evaluate your definition of career development.

View career growth as a lifelong process of personal and professional development – a continuing quest to maintain harmony between who you are and what you do.

Periodically re-evaluate your career and life goals. In addition to purpose, pay attention to skill development, needs and priorities as well as changes occurring in your work and other environments. As you continue to make career moves, you’ll experience uncertainty and the corresponding need for support experienced in earlier moves. Therefore, maintain and build your network, and develop meaningful, supportive relationships.

Cultivate and use your intuition.

Intuitive skills help you deal with ambiguous circumstances and hazy objectives. Practice relaxation daily to slow your mind and listen to inner signals. Meditate. Ask your dreams for direction before going to sleep. Keep a journal. Pray. Communicate with nature.

Maintain flexibility.

Continue building skills and knowledge. Learn how to learn. Focus on learning and experimenting with something new rather than previously mastered tasks.

Develop the will to risk. Think of opportunities you’ll miss if you don’t try. Ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Then decide whether you could live with the worst scenario or take steps to reduce the chances of it happening.

Use positive terms to describe chaos.

These include innovate, adapt, explore, expand, opportunity. Prepare for and welcome the unexpected.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Dr. Carole Kanchier, provides additional tips for managing chaos.

This insightful post about managing stress is brought to you by a wise friend of mine, Zoe, of ZealAndZen.com. Her blog has some very helpful tips on living a healthier lifestyle! Follow her on Facebook!

Please don’t shoot, I am just the messenger….

Since I have been doing some facebook posts on stress I thought it was time to do a blog too. I figured a blog was a better place to tell you something that you will likely dislike me a lot for. All I can say is I am just relating the information to you. I am not the person saying it is so. But that said, I do agree and even in the heat of my own stress response it drives me just as crazy as it likely will you.

On the good news side though, it is getting less frequent that I feel this way and I DO feel more control.

Well here it is….

You are the source of most of your stress, well for some of us, all of it.

Phew it is out there. Now I will explain.

Have you ever been with someone in a situation that you find unbearable and they just shrug their shoulders and move on; makes you even more crazy, no? How is it that they don’t feel the injustice or frustration of whatever has been presented and you do? Don’t they KNOW what is happening?

Truth is they do, they just process it differently and the key to stress reduction is to learn how to do the same.

I remember a story a friend told me about their first holiday with their new guy. They were waiting at the gate for their flight when it was announced cancelled. Immediately there was bedlam, people cursing, rushing the information desk, waving hands, complaining. But the two of them quietly sat in the middle of it all and gave a shrug. My friend said it was then that she really knew how special this guy was.

If I remember this story correctly there was only a minor disruption in their plans and the compensation offered was a huge perk. They saved on their tickets enough to have an extra great time while holidaying enjoying indulgences they wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.

Be careful about REACTING to your thoughts about a given situation, not the situation itself.

The situation really has a handful of interpretations. Key here is to check your expectations and the thought train that results from the altered pathway you thought you were on.

Say you are waiting for a friend at a restaurant, they are Twenty minutes late and the clock is ticking. Your internal conversation could start something like…well I was considerate and on time I would think they could be, argh I am so busy right now I can feel my work load increasing by the moment, I am soooo hungry, I feel so silly sitting by myself, everyone thinks I am being stood up…etc.

This type of thought pattern will jumpstart your stress response whereas….some time for me, wha hoo I never get quiet like this, oh an opportunity to check my messages and get caught up, maybe I will order an appetizer so I have something to munch on that I can share when they get here, I bet they will be hungry too I know how it feels to run late despite best intentions…will have you actually enjoying the downtime.

So the next time you are presented with a change in plans that MIGHT have less than ideal impact, check your expectations at the door, and/or think of the disguised OPPORTUNITY you have been presented.

Stop expecting everything to go exactly as you see it in your mind.

Life happens, things change and it doesn’t have to make it bad, just different. When things go really awry a trick I learned from a recent podcast says hit the pause button for at least two days before you react. In that time frame consider all angles of whatever it is you are dealing with. Lost a job? Well I wasn’t really happy there anyway, maybe I can find something with less of a commute, now I can take that training I have been thinking of to upgrade and be more marketable, I might be ready to hang up my own business shingle etc.

There is always a side less considered that deserves attention.

These are just examples. Some stuff will be hard not to react to but the more you think like this the less stress you will feel AND you will discover options and be thinking productively instead of negatively. It is so easy to self talk yourself into a corner!

Good luck changing thought trains; I’d love to hear how it goes. If you are already in super stress mode remember the love my RESTORE, REPAIR, RESET online yoga course offers…it can help you crawl out of stress and into ease.

Happy day,

Zoë