Spring is finally here. The days are longer, warmer, and the trees are starting to bloom. We’re open to inviting change into our lives!

Spring is a time to get rid off all that junk we’ve accumulated over the winter. Yes, physical junk such as heavy coats and boots, but also the emotional baggage we’ve picked up over the winter.

Spring is also a time to forgive. Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It’s a time to rediscover our strengths and our capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

If we can forgive those who have hurt us, we will rise to higher levels well-being. Recent studies show that people who are taught to forgive become “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed,” which leads to greater mental and physical well-being.

For example, a recent University of California, San Diego, study found that participants who thought about a hurtful event experienced lingering blood pressure spikes that—if repeated over time—could lead to heart attacks or strokes.

What is forgiveness?

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed one, regardless of whether they actually deserve one’s forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not.  Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate one to reconcile with the person who harmed the individual, or release that person from legal accountability. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from destructive anger.

How to foster forgiveness at work

Unresolved stress from interpersonal conflict often dampens our cognitive and compassionate capacities, making it hard to find a way to forgive. Experts who study forgiveness in the work place offer suggestions to foster forgiveness:

– Model forgiveness, particularly if you’re a leader. Leaders’ behavior often has the greatest impact on organizational culture. Leaders who model forgiveness on a regular basis are cueing similar behavior in others.

– Express gratitude. Frequent and sincere expressions of appreciation have been found to produce dramatic effects on individuals and organizations. Gratitude can be expressed by encouraging employees to keep a gratitude journal to track three things they’re grateful for each night, writing a thank you card, or emailing someone each day to express appreciation for his or her contributions. Gratitude requires neither big budgets nor heavy time commitments.

For example, several years ago the CEO of LG in Japan set himself the challenge of writing five gratitude cards expressing his appreciation and thanks to five different people in his organization for the contributions they made, each day. More than six years later not only has he maintained this commitment but he credits it with having changed his whole organization because it made him look for things he wouldn’t normally see and to help people flourish who would have been previously ignored

– Take responsibility for mistakes. Apologize and attempt to make restitution. If we don’t take responsibility for our mistakes, distrust grows and the fear of something happening again can be worse than the original incident.

– Rebuild trust by working on a common task. This creates new experiences and memories of cooperation.

– Don’t tell others what to do.  Listen, rather than expound. Develop tolerance for contrary opinions. When someone offers us their viewpoint, we should try to respond with: “I’ve never considered that before—thank you. I’ll give it some thought.

– Let go of resentments. Resentments thrive because we are unwilling to end that altercation with an offer of kindness and forgiveness.

– Depersonalize perceived negative comments, and respond with kindness. Send the higher, faster energies of peace, joy and forgiveness as responses to whatever comes our way.

 – Live in the present. Enjoy good things about the present moment, rather than being consumed with anger over the past or worry about the future.

– Don’t judge. Try to understand where the person may be coming from. Rephrase critical internal thoughts to positive ones, or at least neutral thoughts. After all, we really don’t know the reasons for someone’s behavior.

– Participate in staff development programs to address conflict and foster forgiveness. Invest in programs that  develop understanding and teach evidence-based tools for ongoing workplace forgiveness.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier, provides additional ways to spring clean your life career. https://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Tracy thinks she might like to own a boutique. Ricco doesn’t know whether to be a computer software or hardware engineer. Hang doesn’t know whether she should work for a large company or a start-up. To obtain additional information about occupations and industries, they conducted informational interviews.

Informational Interviews

Informal meetings are excellent sources of knowledge, and can be fun. People enjoy talking about themselves and their jobs.

Informational interviews provide a reality check on what you’ve read, heard and thought. The person interviewed can offer up-to-date, personal and local information. You can observe the job atmosphere and gain confidence by taking control in interview settings.

Interviews are also a great networking tool. They can uncover a prospective employer’s needs and may lead to a position. Interviews enable you to enhance your contact network. You can meet hiring authorities and may be invited back for a job interview.

Seventy five to eighty percent of available positions are not advertised, but filled by the contact network. Hiring managers prefer to fill positions by interviewing candidates referred by people they know rather than reviewing dozens of resumes.

Informational interviews differ from job interviews in that you control the conversation. You know what information you want, ask the questions, and gain meaningful information. Because the focus is on getting information, you feel less pressure.

To find knowledgeable experts to interview, ask friends, neighbors, colleagues, human resources personnel or people representing professional trade, labor or business associations. Contact college advisors, coaches and former employers. Call community service agencies, trade organizations, business and professional associations and chambers of commerce. Look in the yellow pages. Check Dictionary of Occupational Titles DOT for occupational information: www.occupationalinfo.org. Read other library and internet guides. Try to meet with hiring managers.

The most effective way to arrange for interviews is to ask for personal referrals from mutual acquaintances. Letters, phone calls or emails are the next best thing. Follow up your letters and emails with phone calls requesting interviews. Be clear that you’re seeking information only, not looking for a job. State how you got your contacts’ names and the kind of information requested.

Make friends with receptionists. When you connect with your contacts, indicate the purpose of the meeting. Ask for 15 to 20 minutes of their time. Prepare questions in advance so that the contacts can answer them over the phone if they have no time to meet in person. If the response is negative, ask for referrals to other experts.

Prepare carefully. Don’t waste the expert’s time. Don’t ask for information that’s readily available in directories or the Internet.

Here are some points to ask the person. Give a brief description of yourself (to the person you are interviewing). Include:  How did you get started in the job? Describe a typical day or week. What do you like most and least about your position? What are your biggest challenges? What skills, personal qualities, experience and education are needed for this work? What are good sources of training?

What are the opportunities for advancement within your organization and the field? What’s the salary range? How did you get started with your organization? How does your company compare to similar organizations in the field? What advice would you give to people starting out?

Ask for names of others with whom you might speak and get additional suggestions. Consider taking an updated resume in case they ask for it, but don’t offer the resume if it’s not requested.

After the meeting, write down your thoughts. Ask yourself: Would this work satisfy me? Do I have or can I attain needed skills? Does the occupation fit my personality, interests, needs, passion and desired lifestyle? Do friends believe I’m suited to this work?

Will the work enable me to achieve my long-range goals? What do I like most and least about it? How would it impact my family? Am I willing and able to invest time and money to get necessary training? What additional information do I need?

Follow up with a thank you note. Reiterate information which you found particularly helpful. Record names, dates, comments and referrals. Ask if you can call for further questions.

Could you benefit from conducting an informational interview? Where can you get needed information?

Why not conduct an interview this week?

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Your Life, by Dr. Carole Kanchier, provides additional informational interview and job search tips.

Do You Have Old or New Views of Career Advancement and Success?

Automation, globalization, demographics, and insights gained from consciousness research, are changing the way we think about work and adapt to our continuously changing work world!

Which views of career advancement do you have?

Career development

Old: Career growth means moving up the corporate ladder and measuring up against the approved professional timetable.You are what you do.

New: This is a lifelong process of development to maintain harmony between your growing personality and career. Who you are is important.

Success

Old: It’s measured by external rewards like status, respectability, money, and security.

New: It’s defined personally. Rewards are judged by personal and job satisfaction. Status means offering creative ideas.

Retirement

Old: It’s resignation, sometimes mandatory, from a long term employer at about 65. This age was set by German Chancellor Otto von Bismark in 1881.

New: Age is irrelevant. Adults reassess goals during life career transitions at about age-30 and every decade after that, and continue involvement in activities that give meaning and direction until their nineties and beyond.

Managing layoffs 

Old: Employees wait for the notice. Job search focuses on responding to ads and accepting a secure job in the same occupation.

New: Employees attend to company happenings. They prepare by upgrading skills and creating their own jobs.

Management style

Old: Organizations have centralized hierarchichal “command and-and-control” structures. Employees are told what to do, don’t question status quo.

New: Organizations employ decentralized “coordinate and cultivate” management with loose structures. Employees participate in decisions, think critically.

Succeeding in uncertain times

Take responsibility for your career advancement

– Know yourself. In particular, clarify your purpose. This is your compass which guides you through chaos. Identify personal and transferable skills. Skills and knowledge used in one occupation can be transferred to others. These adaptive skills include openness to ideas, persistence, creativity, enthusiasm, problem solving, patience, and tolerance.

– Strengthen Quester qualities such as optimism, growth, and resilience. Learn how to learn. Continuously update technical and professional skills.

– Explore compatible options.  Investigate other jobs in your organization. Explore another field or self employment. Consider time out. Study, travel, volunteer. Consider the trades.

– Network. Let others know what you can offer and want. Create opportunities to meet people. Think of yourself as a product to be sold.  Demonstrate how you can make or save money, manage people, improve products, expand markets.

– Strengthen mind power. Skills for tomorrow, called “meta skills,” can’t be easily automated. They include critical thinking, intuition, research, judgment, ethical leadership, mental training, interpersonal, and Quester traits.

– Expand horizons. Go beyond borders. Prepare for and welcome the unexpected.  Innovate, adapt, explore, seize opportunities!

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Dr. Carole Kanchier, shows how to move forward with career advancement.

Good manners are good business. Many potentially profitable alliances or promotional opportunities are lost because of unintentional breaches of manners and poor business etiquette. Second chances aren’t always possible.

Test your business etiquette

Which of the following demonstrate appropriate and inappropriate business etiquette?

1. Your boss, Ms. Andrews, enters the room when you’re meeting with a client, Mr. Block. You rise and say, “Ms. Andrews, I’d like you to meet Mr. Block, our Chicago client.”

2. You answer the phone for a peer who’s available, and ask “Who’s calling please?”

3. In a restaurant, you drink thin soup served in a cup with no handles.

4. The male pays when he’s having a business meeting at a restaurant with a female colleague.

5. When you greet a visitor in your office, let him sit where he wishes.

6. You leave a luncheon meeting after two hours.

7. You’re scheduled to meet an associate for a working lunch. If your associate hasn’t arrived after 30 minutes, you order and eat.

8. Name tags should be placed on the right shoulder.

9. It’s acceptable to make sales pitches at networking functions.

10. It’s proper to give business cards to everyone at business meetings.

11. It’s acceptable to discuss food preferences at employer receptions.

12. It’s appropriate to take phone calls while in meetings.

13. It’s important to hold doors open for women.

14. It’s okay not to attend office parties.

15. It’s correct for women to extend their hands when greeting others.

Answers

1. Inappropriate. Introduce or name the more important person first. In business, clients hold the highest authority.

The person of lesser importance, regardless of gender, is introduced to the person of greater importance. “Mr. or Ms. Greater Authority (Mr. Block), I’d like to introduce Mr. or Ms. Lesser Authority (Ms. Andrews).”

2. Inappropriate. Asking “Who’s calling?” suggests calls are screened. To avoid insults, have the person answering the phone announce you’re unavailable, then ask for the caller’s name and message.

To avoid screening, announce yourself at the beginning of calls. By stating your name, you’re sending a subliminal message that you have a right to speak to the person.

3. Inappropriate. Use the spoon provided.

4. Inappropriate. The person who benefits from the business association pays, regardless of gender. Clarify you’re hosting when extending invitations.

5. Inappropriate. Indicating where your guest should sit will make him feel more comfortable.

6. Appropriate. Allow two hours for business lunches. Start discussing business after the appetizer has been served.

7. Appropriate. Also, expect an apology.

8. Appropriate. When shaking hands, your eyes follow the line of the arm to the person’s right side. By placing the tag on the right, you can read the name while shaking hands.

9. Inappropriate. You’ll be perceived as pushy, needy, insensitive or inexperienced.

10. Inappropriate. Wait till you’ve established a reason to make further contact before exchanging cards. This enhances the value of the exchange.

11. Inappropriate. Downplay preferences. Some may wonder how well you fit in the company if you fuss over small things.

12. Inappropriate. Taking calls while in a meeting is rude. It says others are more important than the person with whom you’re meeting. If you’re expecting a call, tell the person with whom you’re meeting in advance.

13. Inappropriate. Business etiquette is based on hierarchy and power, unlike social etiquette which is based on gender and chivalry. Nobody should be given special treatment because of gender.

Doors are held open for persons more senior in rank, regardless of gender. Whoever gets to the door first holds it open for people following. 

14. Inappropriate. It’s a “must-attend” event. Not attending shows disrespect.

15. Appropriate. A firm handshake made with direct eye contact sets the stage for a positive encounter.

Conclusion: How many of the foregoing courtesies do you practice?

Follow such basic courtesies as returning messages promptly, leaving concise voice mail messages, sending hand written thank you notes, and greeting people when entering an office.

Present yourself with confidence and authority. Consider others’ feelings. Be courteous, respectful and considerate to everyone. Business etiquette can advance your career.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life gives additional business etiquette tips.

Do you feel stuck in your career? Do you want to make a career change, but keep making excuses? Do you say, “yea, but,” to justify why you can’t pursue desired goals?

What does this quiz say bout you?

To identify the degree to which you may be stuck and reasons you’re trapped, answer “yes” or “no:”

I. I’m usually tired.
2. I have little time for leisure activities.
3. I’m energetic.
4. I’m optimistic.
5. I’ll do almost anything to avoid embarrassment.
6. I feel good about myself.
7. Before making decisions, I worry whether others will approve.
8. When I buy something, I rarely consider others’ opinions.
9. I listen to and accept my feelings.
10. I’m scared to fail.
11. I worry about what might happen.
12. I fear living up to an image.
13. I accept responsibility for my decisions.
14. I’m achieving my goals.
15. If I want something, I’ll go after it.
16. I’m growing professionally.

Scoring: One point for each “yes” to items 3,4,6,8,9,13,14,15 and 16; and no to 1,2,5,7,10,11 and 12.
12 or higher: You’re achieving your goals. You’re confident, energetic, growth-oriented, inner-directed.
6 to 11: You may be concerned with others’ opinions, fear failure or lack energy.
5 or lower: You’re stuck in “yea-but” excuses.

Address factors that trigger excuses

1. Fatigue

You have little energy and don’t enjoy life if you responded yes to 1 and 2, and no to 3 and 4. You’re probably too tired to change now. Care for yourself.

– Rest. Sleep at least eight hours a day. Pamper yourself. Meditate, enjoy nature, build “quiet time” into your daily schedule.

– Keep body in top working order. Eat healthy, exercise regularly.

– Do something stimulating and enjoyable each day. Make family and leisure time fun. Enjoy small pleasures.

– Seek professional advice. If you can’t manage on your own, seek help from a reputable professional.

2. Need for approval

Yes responses to 5 and 7, and no to 8 and 9, suggest you’re influenced by others. You do what you “should,” not what you need.

– Complete the following sentences. If I didn’t care what anyone thought, I’d ________________________. If I could be sure I’d do it right, I’d ____________________________. Try pursuing one desired activity.

– Share goals and dreams with supportive people. Don’t confide in negative people.

– Accept yourself. Own your successes. They’re the result of hard work and abilities. Believe in your decisions. Avoid negative, self-fulfilling prophesies.

– Confront limiting beliefs. Challenge their validity. For example, state negative predictions. “People will stare if I dine alone.” Test them. Venture alone to a restaurant. Measure the outcome. Observe people’s reactions. Draw a conclusion. “I can dine alone.”

3. Fear

Yes responses to 10, 11 and 12 suggest fear may be holding you back. Identify what’s blocking growth, such as fear of the unknown, making a mistake or losing a secure income.

– Acknowledge fear. Fear signals you’re about to stretch. Some fear is good. It alerts you to protect yourself from loss. But continuous fear is destructive. Underlying most fear is lack of trust in your ability. We learn to be cautious, fear mistakes.

– Live in the present. Don’t worry about what might happen. Research your goal, develop an action plan, and pursue your goal daily.

– Let go of “attachments.” The more attached you are to something, the greater the fear of losing it. If you’re attached to a high salary, you may fear losing it for work that promises more growth.

– Know yourself. Clarify career goals. When you’re true to yourself, you experience harmony, stability, are willing to risk. When you ignore your spiritual self, you experience disharmony, indecision, doubt. Work at achieving goals that are in harmony with the real you. Believe you’ll attain these.

– See yourself as someone who has choices, takes action and operates from a position of inner strength. When you say something that fuels fear, replace it with a more positive statement. Follow your dreams even when scared.

Pope John Paul 11 said: “An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded.” Florence Nightingale shared her secret to success: “I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse.”

Work with integrity. Discard self-defeating excuses. Start using your power today!

Numerous tips for building a satisfying, productive life career are offered in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.