Bouncing Back

A Japanese proverb tells us that “the bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists,for when the monsoon strikes the oak breaks, while the bamboo bends but quickly recovers.”

Do you, like the bamboo, tend to bend when disasters strike, or do you stay where you’ve been thrown?

We all have the innate capacity to manage life’s challenges, whether everyday disappointments or extraordinary disasters. Research in brain science, relational psychology and mindfulness practices demonstrate that we can change old debilitating patterns of coping encoded in our neural circuitry and develop new ways of responding to life’s pressures quickly, adaptively, and effectively.

Think of people you most admire for their accomplishments. Many didn’t get where they are by sailing through life without any failures. Many distinguished themselves by their ability to get back up when they failed. In the words of Winston Churchill, “It is the courage to continue that counts;” and Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

One of the most exciting discoveries of our times is the growing understanding that we can each consciously engage in practices, sometimes involving only shifts in our attention and intention, that directly influence the function and structure of our brains and bodies.

We now know from the latest advances in neuroscience, that capacities for bouncing back are innate in the brain, hard-wired in by evolution. How well these capacities develop as we mature depends on our responses to our life experiences and how those experiences subsequently shape the neural circuitry and functioning of our brains – which in turn influence our responses. Whether we tend to bounce back from terrible setbacks or stay where we’ve been thrown depends on our learned patterns of responses to other people and events.

Fortunately, studies demonstrate that we can train our brain to think and perform desired behaviors. As you learn to rewire your brain, you will experience the joy of strengthening resilience.

Bouncing Back

– Strengthen optimism. You create your own life script by the thoughts you think, and you have the power to change these.  Practice positive self-talk.  “I like myself because … “  “I can … “ “I will … “  Use positive statements about such things as being healthy, or being in control. Write affirmations. For example, “I can change … “ Don’t criticize or complain. Think of ways to improve the situation. Avoid phrases such as, “I can’t or “I’m too old.” Concentrate on your successes. Create a “success” collage that illustrate who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. View problems as challenges. Count your blessings.

– Look upon something unknown or different as an opportunity to challenge yourself. If you don’t try something new how will you find out if you can do it?

– Note what you’ve learned from a negative experience. Indicate how it has made you stronger, wiser. Identify early clues you ignored, and what you’ll do differently.

 – Detect and dispute inaccurate thoughts and causal beliefs. Are you or your circumstances responsible for your beliefs? Are your beliefs based on fact or fallacy? Why or why not?

– Approach problems from different perspectives. Ask for feedback from people with diverse backgrounds. Take things out of their ordinary context and create new patterns for them. Notice the number of ways you can use eggs or milk cartons. Develop a playful, childlike curiosity. Ask questions, experiment.

– Don’t take rejection personally. Understand that everyone is in a different ‘space’ and, in some cases, no matter what you say or do, they will always reject you or your ideas.

– Build strong support systems. These resources will help you get back up again when you’ve been knocked down. Social support boosts resilience, confidence and ability to manage stress.

– Notice and appreciate little joys and victories. Be grateful. Gratitude boosts health and well-being.

– Seek opportunities for learning and growth. These can boost self-reliance and decision-making which gives us confidence in our ability to bounce back. As a sense of competence increases, we are better able to respond effectively to unfamiliar or challenging situations and persevere in the face of challenges.

– Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the awareness that arises when attending to the present moment. You notice what’s happening as it is happens. Creative possibilities present themselves. You can shape your brain for greater happiness, love, wisdom, healthy relationships and whatever you desire.

Dr. Carole Kanchier, career and personal growth expert, shows how to bounce back in her award-winning, groundbreaking book, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life. A registered psychologist, coach, speaker, and columnist, Carole Kanchier practices in Calgary and consults world-wide. carole@questersdaretochange.com

Do you look at the bright side of life and anticipate good fortune and success? Or, do you feel that you are missing something when it comes to good luck and fortune?

Do you have winning personality traits?
Answer “Yes” or “No”
1. I expect to win.
2. I often follow my intuition.
3. I see the bright side of a problem.
4. I seize opportunities in unexpected situations.
5. I’m open to new opportunities.
6. I’m optimistic.
7. I take steps to improve my life.
8. I live in the present.
9. I’m usually relaxed.
10. I’m open-minded.

Scoring: Add your Yes responses. The higher your score, the luckier you perceive yourself to be. You probably create your own good fortune, expect to win, are alert to new opportunities, and do what it takes to improve your life.

Tips for Creating Luck

– Review the fortunate experiences you’ve had over the past five years, and note when you’ve had good luck. List people, circumstances, and resources that influenced your luck. Talk to others about their good luck, and identify what they did to facilitate good fortune.

Develop a success journal. Write down your successes weekly. Note the role luck played in achieving them, and the strategies you used to influence your luck.

– Be flexible, open to new experiences. Recognize opportunities and take advantage of them. Perceive patterns, and make connections between seemingly unrelated ideas, objects or events. View commonplace things in new ways.

Take advantage of unexpected good fortunes. Don’t procrastinate. The window of opportunity may not last long.

– Dare to risk. Every new venture has an element of risk. You can’t grow and succeed without stretching, risking. Explore new opportunities. Don’t fear mistakes. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Decide whether you could live with the worst scenario, or take steps to reduce the chance of it happening.

Look upon something new, different, or unknown as exciting — an opportunity to challenge yourself and to grow. If you don’t try, how will you ever find out if you can do it?

– Set goals, and develop an action plan. Break the goal down into small steps. Every day do at least one activity related to achieving it. Know resources that can help you attain the goal. Work hard. Focus. Expect success.

– Build networks to exchange ideas and offer assistance. Opportunities to create chance experiences are greater with a strong network of contacts and resources. Attend professional and community meetings. Plan to meet at least two new people at each new gathering. Take the initiative. Follow up and show appreciation for help and contacts.

– Challenge assumptions. Examine your belief system. Question why things are done certain ways. Challenge conventional truths and the status quo. Seek new alternatives in developing problem resolutions.

– Prepare for, and welcome the unexpected. Recognize opportunities that might have eluded you previously. Believe in your ability to create luck.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life offers numerous other suggestions for creating luck.

© Carole Kanchier, PhD

Numerous studies show that job stress is the major source of stress for American adults and that it has escalated progressively over the past few decades.

Occupational stress has been defined as a “global epidemic” by the United Nations’ International Labor Organization. As for business, The World Health Organization estimates that stress costs American businesses $300 billion dollars a year in absenteeism, lower productivity, staff turnover, workers’ compensation, medical insurance, and other stress-related expenses.

More than one-third of American workers experience chronic work stress, according to a 2013 national survey by the American Psychological Association’s Center for Organizational Excellence. Low salaries, lack of opportunity for advancement, and heavy workloads top the list of contributing factors.

Of course, stress is a factor in every one’s life, particularly during major events such as marriage, divorce or buying a home. But according to the Holmes-Rahe Life Events Scale, which rates the levels of stress caused by such events, many of the most stressful events are related to the workplace: firings, business readjustments, changes in financial status, altered responsibilities, a switch to a different line of work, trouble with the boss, variations in work hours or conditions, retirement, and vacations.

Stress is not always a bad thing, though. It can stimulate creativity and productivity. No one reaches peak performance without being stressed, whether an athlete or an office worker. A moderate amount of stress keeps people on their toes, enables them to juggle multiple tasks, and puts them on high alert for potential problems. A bit of tension can also help individuals discover innovative ways of resolving challenges, but too much stress may diminish performance.

Stress is normal and facilitates growth. Managing stress requires examining our lifestyles and options, and making choices that are in harmony with our purpose and values.

Have you experienced stressors during the past year?
Check those that apply to you: Fired, Laid off, Retired, Business Readjustment, Change in Occupation, Change in Work Responsibilities or Location, Outstanding Achievement, Change in Partner’s Work Status, Change in Living Conditions, Modification of Personal Habits, Change in Marital Status, Death or Illness of Significant Other, Injury or Illness, Financial challenges.

Two or more checks suggest you’re experiencing stress, and should consider evaluating your lifestyle:

Managing Stress

– Change perceptions. A major stressor is how we see real or imagined threats to our physical or psychological well-being, and the perception that we can’t cope and don’t have options.

Restructure self talk: “How can I deal with this more effectively?” “What are my options?” Identify three challenging situations and respond to each positively.

– Clarify goals and work towards attaining these. List one career goal that’s in harmony with your purpose. Identify potential barriers that may impede goal attainment, and what you can do to minimize these.

Set a schedule for completing your goals, but be open to new opportunities. Break the goal down into small steps. When you can take the first, second and other steps? Every day complete one goal-related activity.

– Reconnect with your inner child. Laugh and play. Develop a sense of humor. Share a funny joke, cartoon or saying with others. Post these where you can see them. Be a kid again. Buy a toy. Play with it.

– Keep a daily work accomplishment record. Review this over several weeks to identify self-defeating habits and patterns. Do you underestimate time needed to complete certain tasks? Identify ways by which you can modify your schedule and tasks. Set priorities. Delegate.

Note how Questers manage stress in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier: http://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/

Darryl wants to establish his own business, but thinks he’ll deprive his family of their comfortable lifestyle. Kelly wants to return to school, but fears she’ll lose her independence.

What’s stopping you from overcoming fear to go after what you want?

We often hesitate to follow our hearts, because of perceived fears. To take charge of our lives we need to state what we fear. Are any of the following stopping you from pursuing dreams?

• Afraid you can’t find help?
• Afraid you’ll lose a secure or high income, pension or other benefits?
• Afraid change will interfere with personal relationships?
• Afraid of losing power or prestige?
• Afraid of making a mistake? Afraid of being successful?

Manage Fears

Many barriers to growth involve fear. Acknowledge your fears. Fear is a reassuring signal that you’re about to stretch yourself. Fear alerts you to protect yourself from loss.

Underlying most fear is lack of trust in your ability to perform. Some fear is good, instinctual. It alerts you to danger. But continuous fear is destructive, a barrier to growth.

Fear is the result of conditioning. We learn early to be cautious. Parents warn children to “be careful.” This conveys messages that we won’t be able to cope. Because fear is learned, it can be unlearned.

Tips for Managing Fear

– Live in the present. Fear is the acronym for False Expectations Appear Real. Don’t worry about what might happen. Live now. Research your goal, develop an action plan to minimize setbacks, and each day work toward your goal.

– Let go of “attachments.” Since fear usually accompanies the process of “letting go,” the more attached you are to something, the greater the fear of losing it. If you’re attached to a good-paying job, you may fear leaving it for work that promises more growth.

– Know and accept yourself. Know your purpose. Fear results from a discrepancy between your actions and needs. When you’re true to your purpose, you experience harmony and stability. When you ignore your spiritual self, you experience disharmony, indecision and doubt. Work at achieving goals that are compatible with your purpose. Believe you’ll attain them.

– Don’t try to live up to others’ expectations. What do you want? If you’re centered, your personal power will help you achieve your goals. You’ll feel comfortable taking the necessary steps. Money and possessions will often be a by-product.

– See yourself as someone who has choices, takes action, and operates from a position of inner strength. You’re in control and have choices. As your power builds, so will your confidence and risk-taking ability. Not taking action is a choice.

– Watch yourself talk. Keep a log to track the negatives you say. Each time you catch yourself saying something that fuels your fear, replace it with a more positive statement. Think “I can” instead of “I can’t.”

– Form a support group. Associate with people who make you feel good and support your goals.

– Develop the will to risk. Risk taking gets easier with practice. Start with small risks in daily activities. Before going to sleep at night, plan your risk for the next day.

– Live a balanced life. Become involved in varied activities (e.g., relationships, hobbies, spiritual and community activities) to make your life complete. This will enhance your creativity. You may even enjoy a job which was unsatisfying

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier offers many additional tips for managing fear: http://www.amazon.com/Questers-Dare-Change-Your-Life/dp/1508408963

Contact Dr. Carole: carole@questersdaretochange.com; Website: www.QuestersDaretoChange.com.

You are what you believe! Your mind, body and circumstances are the result of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Prayers are answered when your subconscious mind responds to the mental picture in your conscious mind. To change your world, change your thoughts.

Desiderata – Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others …

The telephone is a common business tool and its proper use is essential for career growth. What do these questions say about your phone use?

Questers inspires and guides adults to reshape their careers and lives. It demonstrates how career transitions are linked to all areas of a person’s life. Questers’ stories, quizzes, and guidelines help readers understand how they grow and change through life, where they are in the career and life cycles, and how to create a purposeful, growth-oriented and fulfilling life.

See job loss as opportunity to move in new directions. Deal with feelings, clarify goal, enhance optimism and confidence, use multiple job search strategies.