“I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.” -Elon Musk

Elon Musk is a Quester

His willingness to publicly discuss even the failures of his insanely ambitious SpaceX missions reminds us just how confident the man truly is.

Musk has accomplished feats previously thought impossible–in fact, if he’d listened to his advisers, he’s never have experienced the success he has been. Born in South Africa in 1971, he sold his first computer game at age 12 and went on to co-found Tesla Motors, PayPal and SpaceX.

Elon Musk is a Quester! A risk taker; he’s an innovator and dares to dream the big dreams. Further, he has the ability to actually make them happen.

Read about other Questers in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier 

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”  Mark Twain

Have you ever lied at work? Do you tell half-truths to get the sale or job? Do you keep your promises?

Do you tell the truth?

What does this quiz say about you?

Answer yes or no.

1. I’ve lied on my resume or fudged reports.

2. I call in sick when I’m not.

3. I use the Internet on company time.

4. I fail to disclose pertinent information.

5. I’ve cheated on school or employment tests.

6. I’d tell a face-saving lie if the truth will damage my career.

7. I exaggerate the truth or tell white lies to avoid hurting someone.

8. I lie about family emergencies.

9. I’ve stolen office supplies.

10. I’ve padded expense accounts.

11. I lie to serve my employer.

12. I’ve copied software or reproduced cassettes.

Scoring: One point for each “yes.” The higher your score, the more you could enhance honesty.

Lying is stressful, and stress harms health and accelerates aging. Frequent lying and fear of exposure keeps your body’s “fight or flight” response on. Long term activation of this system may result in health conditions like heart disease.

The Pinocchio Effect also kicks in when you lie. The temperature in the muscles around the nose becomes hotter, according to Emilio Milán and Elvira López at the University of Granada. There is corresponding action in the insular cortex of the brain which controls emotions. Fear of being caught in a lie increases activity in the insular cortex, leading to more heat emanating from the nose. The researchers called this the Pinocchio effect. In Walt Disney’s Pinocchio, the boy puppet’s lies are revealed whenever his wooden nose grows.

Lying damages a person’s self respect and credibility. Dishonesty also affects company productivity. Using company time and stealing small items add up. Honest employees pay for others’ lack of integrity through stricter rules, or other..

Why People Lie

Children learn to lie. Many don’t view cheating on exams as unethical. Dishonest behavior is encouraged when schools fail to show disapproval of students’ cheating. The same message is given when parents cheat on taxes. Children learn all methods for achieving goals are justified.

We fib because we need to appear competent, want to avoid hurt or conflict, desire to protect our jobs, or not rock the boat. Some workers may lie about a sick child to protect themselves from taking another business trip. Others who call in sick are tending to personal needs. Not all supervisors understand employees’ need for family or relaxation time. Business behaviors such as not disclosing pertinent information or selling defective goods are rationalized along the same lines.

Political and business leaders have lied for centuries. Recent studies conducted by Paul Piff, social psychologist, at the University of California, Irvine, found that self-interests tend to spur the elite to lie and cheat.

Lies have hidden costs, not only in productivity and teamwork, but in a person’s self-respect. It’s difficult to stop, once you start exaggerating the truth. People who lie don’t remember who knows what. A major consequence is damaged credibility.

Various workplace situations facilitate untruthful behaviors. Employee dishonesty may be a sign of outdated company policies. Workers may take time off for questionable family needs because the employer has no flex time or personal care days.

Demonstrating Truthfulness

William Shakespeare offers sage advice: “Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself.” Additional suggestions follow.

Love and accept yourself.

Know what you want. Surround yourself with supportive people who accept you for who you really are.

Don’t compromise your integrity and reputation by associating with people whose standards of integrity you mistrust.

Speak the truth.

Communicate in an open and honest fashion. Exaggerating your ability to meet expectations will hurt your status and business more than being honest up front. Truth and trust go together. Lies erode others’ faith in you.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Present both sides of an issue to ensure objectivity. Simplify your statements so that others understand your message. Tell people the rational behind your decisions so that your intent is understood.

Keep promises.

If there is a genuine reason you can’t reveal your position, such as when you’re negotiating, consider saying, “I can’t discuss that now.”

Hold people accountable when their actions don’t match their words.. If you have a personal bias or a conflict of interest make it known to people with whom you are interacting.

Avoid compromising situations.

If your boss tells you to lie about a given situation, gently decline saying you’re not comfortable with the idea, or offer an alternative way to achieve the goal.  If you find yourself in many compromising situations, think about moving on.

Shift mindset.

Lying is a learned survival strategy that can be unlearned. Note what triggers your decision to lie. What fear (e.g., being wrong, hurting someone) is behind this choice? Why do you believe the lie will have a better outcome, and for whom? Reflect on your answers to uncover your motivation, and make needed modifications.

When you sense yourself crafting a lie, ask yourself. “What’s the worst that can happen if I tell the truth?”

Visualize your ideal picture of yourself.

Focus on this image of your honest self to maintain truthful behavior in all situations.

Additional tips for being truthful with yourself are found in the award-winning Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela was a nonviolence anti-apartheid activist, politician and philanthropist who became South Africa’s first black president from 1994 to 1999. Becoming actively involved in the anti-apartheid movement in his 20s, Mandela joined the African National Congress in 1942. For 20 years, he directed a campaign of peaceful, nonviolent defiance against the South African government and its racist policies. Beginning in 1962, Mandela spent 27 years in prison for political offenses. In 1993, Mandela and South African President F.W. de Klerk were jointly awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to dismantle the country’s apartheid system. For generations to come, Nelson Mandela will continue to be a source of inspiration for civil rights activists worldwide.

Nelson Mandela is a Quester. Famous and regular Questers are described in the 6 ed, of the award-winning, Questers Dare Change Your Job and Life. Courageous Questers tend to have the following characteristics.

Traits of Courage

Self-confident.

They know who they are and want. They’re genuine, know their capabilities, and believe they can meet given challenges.

Integrity.

They’re tolerant, loyal, moral, principled, and follow the law.

Conviction.

They have a sense of purpose and express beliefs consistently and predictably. They don’t follow the crowd or change opinions unless new facts are presented.

Leadership.

Courageous leaders motivate people with personal charisma, expertise, and respect, rather than status or position. They’re not deterred by what others think of them.

Courageous leaders embrace change. They know that change is part of life and many great technological and scientific advances have been realized by welcoming change.

Trustworthy.

They understand the importance of honesty and full disclosure. They believe people will make wise decisions if their options are presented openly, honestly, and objectively.

Adversity.

They’re willing to challenge the status quo to resolve given problems or issues.

Integrated. They use intellect and intuition when making decisions.  

Bold, confident, courageous leaders like Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela, who have guts to confront risks and lead their nations to peace and prosperity, are crucial in changing times. Who do you think is a courageous leader of a nation or organization today? What can you do to strengthen courage in your personal and professional life?

Building courage

Take responsibility for your life.

Create new opportunities with your current or another employer. Consider time out, full or part-time study, travel or self employment.

Know and accept yourself.

Know your purpose.  When you’re true to your purpose, you experience harmony and stability. When you ignore your spiritual self, you experience indecision and doubt. Work at achieving goals that are compatible with your purpose. Believe you’ll attain them. Don’t try to live up to others’ expectations.

Identify personal and transferable skills.

These enable you to perform in varied situations. Employers value adaptive skills like openness to ideas, persistence, critical evaluation, enthusiasm, helpfulness, patience, optimism and tolerance.

Strengthen “meta skills.”

These skills for tomorrow can’t be easily automated. They include problem solving, research, judgment, inspiration, relationship building, ethical leadership, mental training and emotional intelligence.

Continuously update technical and professional skills and strengthen Quester qualities like authenticity, purpose, risk, confidence and resilience.

Watch self talk.

Keep a log to track the negatives you say. Each time you catch yourself saying something that fuels your fear, replace it with a more positive statement. Think “I can” instead of “I can’t

Cultivate and use intuition.

Intuitive skills help you deal with ambiguous circumstances. Practice relaxation to slow your mind and listen to inner signals. Ask dreams for direction before going to sleep. Keep a journal. Pray. Communicate with nature.

Continue to learn.

Lifelong learning is the ongoing, voluntary, and self-motivated pursuit of knowledge for personal, interpersonal, leisure, health, spiritual or professional reasons. Workshops, online courses, night school, apprenticeship programs, and correspondence school offer programs. Some learning activities are recognized by traditional educational institutions and may be called adult education.

Think critically.

Critical thinkers ask questions, evaluate, categorize, and find relationships. To read critically, ask: What are main points? Can I put this into my own words? Is a bias apparent? Could a different conclusion be drawn? Are ideas supported by evidence? Do I agree with the author? What are implications?

Strengthen creativity.

Approach the problem from different angles. Ask for feedback from people with different backgrounds. Avoid negativity. View work differently. What would happen if you shrink, enlarge or change its shape?

The New Year is here and many of us are planning to make the most of 2018. It’s time to attain your desired goals with a steady resolve!

Here are some tips for moving moving forward with your goals!

Think positively.

Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve. But you must be persistent, optimistic and patient. Also, restructure negative thoughts by restating them positively.

State realistic goals in concrete terms.

Ensure your goal is consistent with your purpose. Intend to achieve these.  “I intend to lose 10 pounds by June 1, 2018.” I’m enrolling in a computer programming class offered by Institution X, January 22, 2018.

Ensure your goal will benefit both yourself and others.

Write your goal and reasons for wanting it in your daily planner. Consider creating a collage depicting your goal.

Continually state and visualize your goal.

“I am confident, helpful, energetic….” Arise in the morning seeing, smelling, experiencing your goal. Every hour and before falling asleep at night repeat the process.

Identify and minimize perceived barriers.

Specify obstacles that may prevent you from achieving your goal. If the worst happened what could you do? What information do you need to pursue this goal? Where could you go for this? From whom could you get support? What can you do to make this less risky? Less irreversible? Less overwhelming?

List people, organizations, resources, character traits, education, personal strengths, and tools you have at your disposal for attaining the goal. Use these to move forward.

Set a schedule for completing your goal.

Be flexible so that you can incorporate new ideas. Use a daily organizer to plan activities. Break the goal into small steps.  Every day, do at least one activity related to achieving your goal.

Continually focus on your desired outcome.

See, hear, smell, and touch aspects of the goal. Act as if you have achieved your goal.

Alternatively, create a picture depicting your goal. For example, paste pictures from publications illustrating your desired goal. Indicate the image you want to project, people you want to be with, and other things that represent your desired lifestyle. Every day, remind yourself you are this happy, successful person.

Remove all negative mental obstacles such as hate, worry, anger, jealousy.

Avoid phrases such as, “I can’t.” Don’t criticize or blame others. View setbacks as learning experiences, detours as you move toward your goal.

Break the worry habit. Picture worries flowing out of your mind like a pitcher of water. Before falling asleep visualize yourself accomplishing your goals for the next day.

Keep mind, body and spirit in top working order.

Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and nourish your soul. Reward yourself for accomplishing desired tasks.

Review your goal periodically.

Feel free to modify it as you learn more about yourself and options.

Achieving desired goals will give you feelings of accomplishment and confidence. You’ll gain a sense of purpose, inner peace, and greater control over your personal and professional life.

Are you a perfectionist or procrastinator? Are you afraid of failure? Do you fear success? If so, you may be a perfectionist procrastinator! Start the New Year right.

Conquer perfectionist procrastinator habits

They hinder creativity, productivity, and career advancement. 

Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand-in-hand. Certain characteristics drive perfectionists to delay things. Perfectionists tend to be procrastinators:

• Are reluctant to try new things.
• Avoid making decisions.
• Make big plans but don’t follow through.
• Do things themselves because others can’t do it right.
• Won’t start a project if they can’t do it well.
• Get caught up in details so don’t have time to finish.
• Put things off until the time is right.
• Must always do well.
• Feel others must approve of them.
• Tend be critical.

Perfectionism and procrastination share the relationship of Fear of Success and Fear of Failure.

Fear of Success.

Success carries with it the responsibility for continuing success. For some, this price is too high. Procrastination becomes a way of avoiding accountability. People fear success because they may:

– Be expected to continue to achieve. Because this if fearful, they hide ambition, pretend they don’t care.

– Fear losing friends or becoming a threat.

– Are afraid of becoming arrogant, competitive, demanding.

– Feel guilty, don’t think they deserve success.

Fear of Failure.

The thought of failure is overwhelming. It’s a blow to the ego. We can’t fail at something we haven’t attempted. People who have this habit tend to be:

– Self-critical, feel inferior.  Not trying isn’t as painful as trying and failing.

– Set high perfectionist goals, lack confidence in abilities. By procrastinating they avoid expected failures.

– Dread knowing their ability levels and having others know this. Think it’s wiser to postpone tasks than risk trying.

Address fears

– Identify the fear. A person trying to find a job over an extended time period may fear rejection. Someone may refuse a promotion because he’s afraid to fail.

Don’t fear mistakes.  Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”  Note what you can do to minimize this.  Look upon something new as exciting. If you don’t try, how will know if you can succeed?

– Set realistic goals and plan.  Have clear goals that reflect your mission. Use your mission as your compass to keep you on the right path. Your goals and plans should flow from your mission, and daily activities should be guided by these.

Research your goal.  Know helpful resources (people, organizations, printed materials). Outline goals, strategies and time-line on a paper or electronic organizer. Modify goals as circumstances change.

– Manage time. Get up an hour earlier each day to think and plan. Periods of uninterrupted concentration can enable you to complete projects within set deadlines.

Review daily work activities over several weeks to identify self-defeating habits and patterns. Do you underestimate time needed for tasks? Identify how you can modify your schedule and tasks.

Make a to-do list. Write down everything you need to do to achieve daily goals. Prioritize tasks.

Assess what can be accomplished within a given time frame. Space tasks. Break big jobs into manageable tasks. Reward yourself for tasks completed. Allow for the unexpected. Balance demanding tasks with more relaxing ones.

– Develop positive, opportunistic thinking patterns. Focus on opportunities, constructive ways of dealing with challenges. Emotionally believe you can control situations. Practice positive self-talk. Say, “I’d like to complete project A. I’ll do fine.”  Instead of “I must complete project A or something awful will happen.”

Identify and confront dysfunctional beliefs. Replace them with more rational, positive ones. When adversity strikes, listen to your explanation. If it’s pessimistic, dispute it. Use evidence, alternatives, implications and usefulness. Place petty problems in larger perspectives. Don’t turn ordinary setbacks into catastrophes.

– Understand unconscious mental struggles. Many of us have internal characters that sabotage efforts. These include the “adult” who reminds us what must be done, the “critic” who tells us we’ll look foolish, and the “child” who tries to avoid unpleasant work.

Interact with each character. Visualize and value them. Help them help you. Example: The order: “You must,” can become, “I want to accomplish this goal.”  Attacks such as: “You’re stupid,” can be converted into helpful suggestions. Your frightened child can be reassured by your adult who sees the world more realistically.

– Realize perfect situations are rare.  We’re imperfect and live in an imperfect world. Certain Native American artists deliberately put flaws in their work to remind themselves that things are imperfect.

Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life, by Dr. Carole Kanchier, offers additional tips for managing perfectionism and procrastination.

Do you have the motivation to achieve big things? Do you measure success by internal standards, rather than by status symbols or material wealth? Do you enjoy the process of learning, accomplishing, and mastering?

If so, you may have a high need for achievement. This personality trait is characterized by an enduring and consistent concern with setting and meeting high standards of accomplishment. The need for achievement motivates individuals to excel in activities important to them.

Research demonstrate that accomplished individuals, who regularly win awards, are driven by the effort rather than the result. Knowing you can attain a desired goal, enhances feelings of confidence and pride.

Where does the need to achieve come from? Some psychologists believe you are born with “competence motivation,” or the need for challenge and stimulation. Babies and toddlers have it.

Like toddlers learning to walk, many achievers fail several times. Most manage to extract lessons that subsequently enable them to succeed.

Michael Jordan, proclaimed by the National Basketball Association (NBA) as the “greatest player of all time,” said: “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot…and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Many Questers, described in “Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life,” share similar stories. Unfortunately, many people are taught it’s unacceptable to fail. They walk away from opportunities without trying. The New Year may be time to enhance motivation to achieve!

Do you have the motivation to achieve?

1. I am determined I will succeed in everything I do.

2. I feel great after completing a difficult task well.

3. I would rather have a challenging job than a boring job that pays more.

4. I don’t have much ambition.

5. My successes are the result of hard work, determination, and some ability.

6. Being successful in my goals is very important to me.

7. I want a secure not too difficult job that pays enough to have a nice car and home.

8. Once I master a task I move on to other new challenges.

9. I set high standards for myself.

10.  I often do as little work as possible to get by.

11. I feel secure in my relationships.

12. I always try to do a little better than what is expected of me.

13. I measure my success by standards set by my peers.

14. I enjoy challenging things.

Scoring and Interpretation:

One point for each “yes” to statements 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12, and 14; and each “no” to statements 4, 7, 10, and 13. Add your points.

11 or higher: You tend to measure success by internal standards, rather than by status symbols or material wealth. You enjoy the process of learning, accomplishing, and mastering. Your work probably provides opportunities to fulfill these needs.

6 – 10: You seem to be a relatively easygoing person who is quite satisfied with your work and lifestyle

However, you may tend to avoid difficult tasks for fear of failing. If you want to change, check your low scores for clues, then decide where you can make some modifications.

5 or lower: You may lack ambition or tend to have a rather lackadaisical approach to life. Do you tend to do as little work as possible and give up when the going gets tough? If you are happy with your lifestyle, that’s okay. If you are not, however, try doing something that will make you feel good inside. Volunteer for a cause that is important to you. Consider another job that will give you a better sense of accomplishment.

Tips for Achieving  

Set attainable goals.

Set each new goal one level beyond your present level of accomplishment. Enjoy the process of achieving your goal.

Experiment with standards of excellence.

Set your own criteria. Instead of aiming for 100 percent, try 80 or 90 percent. Realize perfectionism is an unattainable illusion.

Learn from mistakes.

Recognize that mistakes are part of the achieving process. Identify factors that may have contributed to a poor outcome, modify features, and move on.

Practice mindfulness.

Purposely and without judgment, attend to the moment. Concentrate on each task. Attend fully to the report you’re reading. Give phone conversations unwavering attention.

Establish appropriate limits.

Focus on activities that use your talents. Delegate or exchange tasks you dislike, aren’t good at, or find draining or time-consuming.

Enjoy successes.

Measure yourself by what you have done, are doing, and can complete. Keep a weekly tally of accomplishments. Post this where you can read it often. Reward yourself for completing a challenging project.

With the December holidays—Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Lohri — many people around the world are celebrating varied spiritual and religious traditions which enable them to connect with their authentic selves as well as spread peace and good will across the globe! Authenticity is one of many ideals to live by.

Many individuals are also reviewing their lives and setting goals for the New Year!  Some are realizing that to succeed in changing times they need to strengthen Quester qualities they have within – ideals to live by.

Quester Traits: Ideals to Live By

Use mind power.

Mind is energy. Everything that happens is the result of a mental state which precedes it. For anything to exist, thoughts had to form first, which then create physical reality or manifestation.

Create your own life scripts by your mental attitudes, the thoughts you think. Have a clear picture of your desired outcome. To ensure your goals are consistent with your purpose, write your goals, including benefits to yourself and others. INTEND to achieve these.

Imagine yourself living your goal today. Hold your desired outcome firmly in your mind. Visualize your goal clearly when in a relaxed state. Experience your goal. Notice how it feels, smells, sounds and looks. Create a collage or picture depicting your goal.

Clarify purpose and pursue goals in harmony with it.

Identify major themes: 1) Proud accomplishments (social, work, school, civic); 2) Absorbing childhood activities; 3) Recurring dream; 4) What you’d do if you couldn’t fail; 5) A prize you’d select (literary, athletic) for being the world’s best; 6) What you’d wear to a costume party; 7) People you admire; 9) Job skills you want to use.

Write a “working” mission statement describing your purpose based on these themes. Brainstorm how your purpose can be expressed in various life roles. If your purpose is to help others, you could express it at work by being a helpful sales clerk. Don’t allow age, education, or physical disability stop you from expressing your purpose.

Be genuine, growth-oriented.

Know who you are and want to become: Live in the moment. Express your opinions honestly even though they may differ from those around you. Allow your friends and people you meet to be themselves. Engage in conversations that have depth, rather than gossip. Be comfortable with yourself.

Don’t judge others by external appearances. Listen closely to what they are saying, the message behind their words. See the unity and interconnectedness of all life. Seek new opportunities. Care about environmental issues and volunteer for a cause important to you.

Connect with your career and life cycles.

We tend to experience cycles of discontent every five to ten years with the average cycle happening every 7.5 years. Although we all have our own rhythms of change, we generally proceed through alternating developmental and transition periods throughout life.

Transitions are times for questioning who we are and where we want to go. During developmental periods we make commitments to and work toward desired goals.

At the same time/simultaneously, we also experience the career cycle of entry, mastery and disengagement. During entry, we enthusiastically learn new tasks. In mastery, we’re competent, confident, and productive. If our work no longer challenges us, we become bored and lose enthusiasm, productivity and confidence. This disengagement stage of the career cycle tends to parallel the transition stage of the life cycle.

Uses these cycles to evaluate and advance your career. If you feel you are no longer deriving desired work rewards consider other options. Redesign your job; return to school for upgrading or acquire new skills, change jobs within your company or another organization; take time out.

Create a life in which you continue to grow and have choices.

Learn how Questers take charge in Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life.

What are the different views of career success?

What career success views do you have and what does your employer hold?

Career development

Old: Career growth means moving up the corporate ladder and measuring up against the approved professional timetable.You are what you do.

New: This is a lifelong process of development to maintain harmony between your growing personality and career. Who you are is important.

Success

Old: It’s measured by external rewards like status, respectability, money, and security.

New: It’s defined personally. Rewards are judged by personal and job satisfaction. Status means offering creative ideas.

Retirement

Old: It’s resignation, sometimes mandatory, from a long term employer at about 65. This age was set by German Chancellor Otto von Bismark in 1881.

New: Age is irrelevant. Adults reassess goals during life career transitions at about age-30 and every decade after that, and continue involvement in activities that give meaning and direction.

Managing layoffs 

Old: Employees wait for the notice. Job search focuses on responding to ads and accepting a secure job in the same occupation.

New: Employees attend to company happenings. They prepare by upgrading skills and creating their own jobs.

Management style

Old: Organizations have centralized hierarchichal “command and-and-control” structures. Employees are told what to do, don’t question status quo.

New: Organizations employ decentralized “coordinate and cultivate” management with loose structures. Employees participate in decisions, think critically.

Forces driving change

Automation, globalization, demographics, and insights gained from consciousness research, are changing the way we think, perform, and will adapt tomorrow.

Succeeding in uncertain times

Take responsibility for your career

Know yourself. CIarify your purpose, interests, skills, and tasks you want to perform in your ideal job.

Continuously update technical and professional skills and strengthen Quester qualities, described in Dare to Change Your Job and Your Life by Dr. Carole Kanchier

Are you a Quester? Would you like to become one? Who are Questers, anyway? They chase success.

Questers are growth-oriented individuals with a sense or purpose, confidence, resilience, perseverance, and will to risk, who are redefining how we look at career and work!

Check your Quester traits with self-scoring quiz.

We are all born with Quester qualities. You can see these characteristics in babies and young children. They continuously strive to learn by exploring the world around them. Infants reach out to grasp their parents’ ears, eyes, or clothing and objects in their cribs. As they learn to walk, they have fun exploring every cupboard in their homes.

Children learn to crawl, walk, and build with blocks by persevering and risking. They are not deterred by falls. There is no word for failure in their vocabularies. Children feel good about accomplishing challenging tasks, as you can see by their sparkling eyes, excited waving of arms and legs, and smiles and laughter.

Unfortunately, as people grow older, many lose this excitement for learning; they forget the good feelings that come from accomplishing difficult tasks. Various reprimands, don’ts, shouldn’ts, and shames result in embarrassment or fear of trying and failing. Many adults set up barriers to growth that are manifested in expressions of resistance such as fear, denial, impatience, false beliefs, and low onfidence. They lose touch with their inner child and their Quester traits.

You have Quester qualities within that you can strengthen if you desire. Contrary to popular belief, the personality you developed through your childhood and adolescent experiences needn’t be your wardrobe for life. In fact, you can do a complete makeover any time you want.

Strengthen Quester Traits for Success

Clarify purpose.

Identify themes: absorbing childhood activities, proud accomplishments, when you’re most energized, a favorite Halloween costume.

Be authentic.

Do what’s right for you. Ensure actions are consistent with thoughts and feeling. Set goals in harmony with your purpose.

Build confidence.

Focus on the positive. Avoid, “I can’t.”  Don’t compare yourself with others. Judge accomplishments against personal standards and strive for excellence.

Continue to learn.

Read, take courses, volunteer. Challenge conventional beliefs. Recognize and seize opportunities. Find better ways to do things. Try! Place no limitations on yourself.

Strengthen courage to risk.

Review three successful risks taken. Note what made these successful. Identify perceived barriers for taking another risk and explore ways to overcome these.

Manage fear. 

Identify worrisome issues. Minimize these using appropriate information and resources. Live in the present. Let go of “attachments.” Form a support system.

Create a life in which you can continue to learn, grow, and have choices. Life is an opportunity, take it, life is an adventure, dare it!

Criticism is the practice of judging the merits and faults of something, according to Wikipedia. We all have to handle negative feedback at times. Some of it may constructive feedback, and some may be cruel!

Criticism at work can affect every part of your life, adding stress during work hours and invading your thoughts outside the office. If you don’t handle it well, negative feedback from your superiors and colleagues can ultimately derail your career.

There are ways to accept criticism at work with dignity and grace, and ways to make it constructive.

Tips for Managing Criticism at Work

Listen to the complete message.

Don’t interrupt and don’t try to end the conversation prematurely. Ask questions or talk until the other person agrees that you fully understand the concerns he or she has.

Don’t be defensive.

Even if you disagree with what the person is saying, find a way to talk about it without being defensive.

Control body language.

Don’t clench your fists or cross your arms while listening. Try to sit or stand next to the person with whom you’re communicating. This sets a friendly equitable atmosphere.

Focus on the issue.

When the speaker is talking, listen; when he’s finished, ask questions if you’re not clear about what he said. Rephrase what he said back to him to ensure you got it right. For example, “So you’re concerned about problem X and you would like me to do A or B, Is that right?” This will show him that you were listening, and also give him the opportunity to reword or emphasize something, if needed.

Keep the conversation productive.

If it’s clear the person is correct in his criticism, acknowledge it, and offer an apology, if appropriate. Express your appreciation for them taking the time to offer you feedback. After the conversation, if you still feel the criticism is wrong, politely state your opinion, but agree to think about the issue.

Follow up.

To show you value the input, offer to meet again later to discuss progress, if needed.

What are some ways you’ve managed criticism at work? With family members? With friends?