You’re in a meeting when a colleague takes credit for your work. What would you do: 1) Publicly confront the colleague over ownership? 2) After the meeting, request she give you credit when discussing your work? 3) Nothing? 4) Publicly thank her for referencing your work, and give the group additional information? If you selected four, you’ve demonstrated good emotional intelligence or EQ.

Studies show that emotionally intelligent people are more successful in their careers than people who possess only intellectual smarts. Daniel Goldman, who popularized the EQ concept, identified five interrelated EQ competencies: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Self-Motivation, Empathy and Effective Relationships.

What’s Your EQ?

Answer “yes” or “no.”

1. I recognize my feelings and differentiate among them.

2. I know and accept myself.

3. I need to discuss my problems with others.  

4. I’m realizing my potential.

5. I hang up on angry clients.

6. I get facts before reacting in an uncomfortable situation.

7. My life is stressful.

8. If I don’t get the promotion, I’ll continue to perform well, believing I’ll get the next one.

9. I get depressed regularly.

10. I usually reframe bad experiences.

11. I handle adversity well.

12. I’m persistent.

13. I’m sensitive to others’ feelings.

14. If a colleague has a problem, I’d volunteer to help.

15. l share my thoughts..

16. I value others’ viewpoints even though I disagree.

17. I’m dependable, cooperative.

18. My conscience guides my actions.

19. I’m comfortable with people.

20. I have good communication skills.

Scoring: One point for each “yes” to all items except 3, 5, 7 and 9. One point for each “no” to these items. The higher your overall score, the higher your general EQ. The items listed are only examples of EQ. Learn what competencies the items measure.

Strengthen Emotional Intelligence

1. Self–Awareness.

Items 1 to 4 measure competencies such as self-understanding, confidence, self-reliance. To enhance self-awareness, know and accept yourself. Be yourself, not who you “should” be.

List accomplishments and personal qualities. Build on strengths. Each day, enhance some previous performance. Clarify your mission and values. Commit to goals that express these.

Recognize feelings such as sadness, anger.  Know what triggers a feeling and subsequent action.

2. Self-Regulation.

Items 5 to 8 measure self-management skills such as self-control, flexibility and tact. Learn to manage emotions and negative thoughts and feelings. Restructure negative thoughts so they’re more positive. Recognize time wasting habits and modify your schedule accordingly.

Minimize fear by identifying worrisome issues, and researching information and resources to address each issue. Live in the present. Don’t worry about what might happen. When angry, take time out before acting. Go to a quiet place and breathe deeply, or wait a few days to cool down. Engage in physical activities to reduce stress.

3. Self-Motivation.

Items 9 to 12 measure competencies such as optimism, drive, inner-directedness. To strengthen self-motivation, develop positive thinking patterns. Focus on opportunities. Practice positive self-talk. Believe good things will happen. Begin each day by smiling at yourself in the mirror.

Take charge of your career. Experiment with new ideas, strategies. Think and talk about things you want. Define success personally. Persist in achieving goals. View mistakes as leaning experiences.

4. Empathy.

Items 13 to 16 measure empathy, awareness and appreciation of others’ feelings. Strengthen empathy by listening. People feel reassured, understood, when others pay attention. Listen to peoples’ needs, priorities, perspectives, problems.

Summarize what you hear the person say. Let her know you hear and understand her thoughts and feelings. Listen between the lines. What’s the person feeling but not saying?  Ask questions when unsure.

Build rapport, trust. Be genuine, approachable, open to suggestions. Make people feel physically and emotionally comfortable. Demonstrate appreciation.

5. Effective Relationships.

Items 17 to 20 measure interpersonal skills such as friendliness, communication, teamwork, leadership. Cultivate friendly relationships with co-workers.  Know peoples’ names and special strengths. Develop ”small-talk” skills. Celebrate peoples’ accomplishments.

Develop a social conscience. Volunteer for company-sponsored or community projects. Get involved in hobbies that involve people interaction. Practice communication skills. Read, take courses. Join Toastmasters. Build your emotional intelligence.